12/12/12

Another construct of time and existence. 

But it is always through the appreciation of ordinary things that we find the mundane unique. 

晏殊《浣溪沙》

一曲新词酒一杯， 

去年天气旧亭台。 

夕阳西下几时回？ 

无可奈何花落去， 

似曾相识燕归来。 

小园香径独徘徊。 

Trust

"The one great crime on [our part], is worry. Whenever we begin to calculate without God, we commit sin.

It is very easy to trust in God when there is no difficulty, but that is not trust at all, it is simply letting the mind rest in a complacement mood; but when there is trouble, there is death, where is our trust in God? The clearest evidence that God's grace is at work in our heart is that we do not get into panics."

Christian Disciplines, Oswald Chambers

Redefining Marriage? No.

"Marriage is not to be reduced to being only for "sexually-intimate companionship" disconnected from its biological and societal functions". The following extract is a newspaper article on what one of my law professor, Julian Rivers, has written in response to the proposal of the UK Government to allow same sex marriage. The original article can be found here. 

“Changing the legal definition of marriage will likewise reflect and support a different view of what marriage is and what it is for.”
According to Rivers, any such change will confirm and bolster the already dangerous trends of “excessive individualism of modern Western society, as well as the collapse of participation in all forms of social action.” It will “reduce” marriage to being only for “sexually-intimate companionship,” disconnecting the institution from its biological and societal functions.
It will also create a social threat to the wellbeing of children, Rivers said. Referring to the UN’s Convention on the Rights of the Child, he said, “Every child has a moral claim on her natural father and mother, grounded in the fact that they brought her into being and that it is in principle good for every child to be brought up by her natural parents committed in relationship to each other and to her.”“Breaking the intrinsic connections between marriage, childbearing and kinship risks the further commodification of children, in which children become ‘ultimate accessories’ – means to the ends of their parents, and ultimately subject to their agendas, rather than persons of equal worth, with an equal stake in the success of the marriage.”
The notion that natural marriage “discriminates” based on sexual orientation is the basis of the argument for same-sex “marriage,” Rivers said. But the real question is whether this discrimination is unjust. Rivers argues that far from traditional marriage being unjust, it “secures the equal value of men and women,” and “promotes the welfare of children.” Civil partnerships already grant other types of unions full legal security.
“Any law which sets criteria for anything discriminates,” he wrote. While it is right to prohibit distinctions based on sex, race, religion or age in political life, business or employment, “sometimes it is right to draw distinctions even on these grounds.” He gave the example of the law that prohibits children under 16 from marrying.
The government’s proposals have failed “to distinguish rationally between relationships and arrangements which are and are not to be treated as marriage in law.”
Moreover, redefining marriage to create a new “gender-blind” institution will threaten the legitimate social advances made by women over the last 100 years.
“Marriage as currently defined is the central social institution which expresses the idea that men and women are equally valuable as men and women. It is only marriage which harnesses gender difference to the purposes of social cooperation.
“Almost all other ways in which difference is acknowledged – from sports teams to public lavatories – depend on segregation. Sexual union in marriage reinforces a comprehensive ‘together-in-otherness’ of male and female.”
Rivers said that the arguments against same-sex “marriage” coming from religious convictions are legitimate and need to be heard – particularly in a country where the great majority identify themselves as Christian – but are not the only arguments worth making. The government’s proposal, he wrote, fails to address “the fundamental question of what a marriage is, and thus it fails to identify and defend the boundaries of any new definition”.
“At root,” he said, the meaning of marriage is socially, not legally defined. It is not the law that makes marriage what it is, but the law that follows the “socially-given expectations”. Marriage itself, in other words, is the underlying, objective reality with the law merely following that template. 

Source: http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/redefine-marriage-threaten-social-advances-of-women-rights-of-children-uk-l

Interwoven

Past reflection amidst present thoughts:

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to London for a training conference organised by Innocent Network UK. Given the duration of travel by coach, the journey served as a break whilst I listened to Arvo Part’s album Da Pacem, watched the sceneries and gave thought on what has happened since my return to Bristol.

Time has passed by at a terribly frightening pace and I have found myself constantly trying to keep up with what is going on at school. Some modules have been very difficult for me; I actually gave up on the reading materials because I could make no sense out of them. The idea of ‘free time’ has become obsolete as most of us start realising that we have so many things to attend to that we have to learn how to make time for things instead. A constant challenge is to not lose sight of what is fundamental and important in life.

I love how Oswald Chamber (O.C.) wrote about Paul having a strong steady spiritual coherence in his internal being – he could let his external life change as it liked and it did not distress him because he was rooted and grounded in God. This is in contrast to us, who are often being in coherent because of the amount of unrelated emotion and phases of external things we have in us: a mixture. Paul’s consistency was down in the fundamentals. I suppose this encapsulates what I have been learning since returning.

Amidst the current state of affairs, I have been constantly confronted with the theme of waiting and resting upon Him – “in returning and rest… in quietness and confidence… labouring to rest in Him”, as opposed to tending to the many things that cry for my attention and demand my ‘required effort and input to make it work’. In the case of being a law student in the penultimate year, this defies common sense as it is probably the norm to start worrying and thinking about my training contract. 

Perhaps in one sense, it really is about what O.C. has written: learning to be grounded and rooted in Him through the seasons of waiting, resting and surrendering; not just in relation to school and career but also in all matters of life. I suppose it is about seeing Him governing and scrutinising over every minute detail in my life even in the routine and mundane schedule. On the other hand, it feels like an adventure as I move forward towards uncertainties (at least to the human understanding)- stepping out yet ‘not knowing whither’. It feels like a challenge to have that reckless faith and trust in defiance of logic.

My thoughts were interrupted as a bird flew into the path of the coach travelling down the motorway – the sound of something being smashed and a mangled mess of feathers flew pass my window.

 “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” Matt 10:29-31

Mess

I am my own affliction.

Trust and Betrayal

Purity and Corruption 

"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." Proverbs 15:17

Why Bother Praying?

“Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him” Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace...When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason— God uses these times to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you. - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

Of mote and beam

Luke 6:40-41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own. Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.

This passage has stayed with me since the Friday before the last. I still can remember the phrase clearly in my ears, 'always remember that when you can see the mote in someone else's eyes, there is a beam in your own'. Clearly, this is not to mean that we are being ignorant and accommodating of what is wrong; but before I become quick to judge, I clearly need to examine myself. People are placed around us so that we can see ourselves as we truly are: 'Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.'

I was reading a passage written by Oswald Chambers and he puts it across so beautifully: "Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly."

Left hanging

Chasing a dream, or what I thought it was

Prague Castle and Charles Bridge

Prague has always been a place that I'd wanted to visit since I was young. Having read up on its beauty with all the Bohemia architectures, it was one of the places, along with Iceland, that I told myself to visit while studying in the UK. This summer I had the opportunity to visit the place with some of my housemates-to-be. A dream come true? Perhaps. Maybe not.

Sometimes, we chase after dreams not knowing that what we are seeking is not reality but merely a erroneous perception. I guess my visit to Prague was pretty much like this. Prague is without a doubt, a really beautiful place. But I felt that so much of it has been commercialised; I was greeted with hordes of tourists and touristy gimmicks. If you are looking for a quiet escape, I really don't think it's the place to visit. But if you don't mind the army of tourists, it still is a nice place to go to, especially if you love those Gothic buildings.

On a side note, I suppose it is good to really know what we are striving for in life. What a shame if what we work towards is nothing like what we'd thought in reality. But then again, few things in life are ever certain.

A $28 Tragedy

The beauty of sandy beach with crystal clear water teeming with marine life made me head back to Tioman for the past few days. The last time I went there, I used my dslr with a dicapac underwater casing for my snorkelling trips but it was not to my liking so I decided to try something else this time. Somehow I ended up with a $28 film camera with underwater casing. All I can say is that it was a tragedy with leakage on the first trip and the underwater casing becoming totally useless once I got back to shore. I can only hope that the shots that I'd taken prior to that could be salvaged and the same goes for the land shots. It is rather sad when you somewhat know that there is a high possibility that the photos developed will be quite bad even before you do it! Nonetheless, it was a good experience shooting with film. Tioman again? Why not!

In Remembrance of Iceland

Being in Iceland was such an inspiring and profound experience. I miss its vast landscape and the sense of awe that stayed with me as my eyes feasted on the beauty of it all: geysers, waterfall, volcanoes, lava fields and glaciers etc. Arvo Part's composition of My Heart is in the Highlands probably captures the mood as one looks back at the memory of the place. There is so much to be discovered of the place and I will most probably be back again. In remembrance of Iceland, I have uploaded a (really) few photos that I took while I was there. You can view them here.

Sölheimajökull Glacier

A free man

"We are not fundamentally free; external circumstances are not in our hands, they are in God’s hands, the one thing in which we are free is in our personal relationship to God. We are not responsible for the circumstances we are in, but we are responsible for the way we allow those circumstances to affect us; we can either allow them to get on top of us, or we can allow them to transform us into what God wants us to be."  Conformed to His Image, Oswald Chambers

Litany

This is an English translation of St. John Chrysostum's 24 prayers that Arvo Part used for his composition - something that I had only discovered recently and am enjoying listening to: Litany

O Lord, of Thy heavenly bounties deprive me not.

O Lord, deliver me from the eternal torments.

O Lord, forgive me if I have sinned in my mind or my thought, whether in word or in deed.

O Lord, free me from all ignorance and forgetfulness, from despondency and stony insensibility.

O Lord, deliver me from every temptation.

O Lord, enlighten my heart which evil desires have darkened.

O Lord, as a man I have sinned, have though mercy on me, as the God full of compasion, seeing the feebleness of my soul.

O Lord, send down Thy grace to help me, that I may glorify Thy name.

O Lord Jesus Christ, write me down in the book of life and grant unto me a good end.

O Lord my God, even if I had not done anything good before Thee, do Thou help me, in Thy grace, to make a good beginning.

O Lord, sprinkle into my heart the dew of Thy grace.

O Lord of heaven and earth, remember me, Thy sinful servant, full of shame and imurity, in Thy kingdom. Amen

O Lord, receive me in my penitence.

O Lord, forsake me not.

O Lord, lead me not into misfortune.

O Lord, quicken in me a good thought.

O Lord, give me tears and remembrance of death, and contrition.

O Lord, make me solicitous of confessing my sins.

O Lord, give me humility, chastity and obedience.

O Lord, give me patience, magnanimity and meekness.

O Lord, implant in me the root of all good - Thy fear in my heart.

O Lord, vouch safe that I may love Thee from all my soul and mind and in everything do Thy will.

O Lord, shelter me from certain men, from demons and passions, and from any other unbecoming thing.

O Lord, Thou knowest that Thou dost as Thy willest, let then Thy will be done in me, sinner, for blessed art Thou unto the ages. Amen.

Familiarity

A familiar pathway and sight

I got back to the tiny sunny (scorching) island a few days back and have surprisingly adjusted back to the environment fairly quickly. It was not too long ago when I was talking with my friends about how we will face trouble getting used to the heat, the crowd, and the mannerism of the people here. It seems that having  lived on this soil for more than two decades made the transition easier than expected. Hopefully I will be able to make good use of the time I have during this summer break in this concrete jungle.

On a side note, the passing of time and season amidst the familiar sights have brought to remembrance this particular passage that I studied many years back by 晏殊 titled 《浣溪沙》：
一曲新词酒一杯，去年天气旧亭台，夕阳西下几时回？ 无可奈何花落去，似曾相识燕归来，小园香径独徘徊。

Visions become Reality

"We always have a vision of something before it actually becomes real to us. When we realize that the vision is real, but is not yet real in us, Satan comes to us with his temptations, and we are inclined to say that there is no point in even trying to continue. Instead of the vision becoming real to us, we have entered into a valley of humiliation.

Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And heated hot with burning fears,
And dipt in baths of hissing tears,
And battered by the shocks of doom,
To shape and use.
Arise and fly.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint. Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience. Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has! He is never in a hurry. Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry. While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor’s hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.

The vision that God gives is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be down here. Allow the Potter to put you on His wheel and whirl you around as He desires. Then as surely as God is God, and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision. But don’t lose heart in the process. If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

All things new

The Lord bringeth life out of death,

and fruitfulness from barrenness.

He appoints unto them that mourn in Zion,

to give unto them beauty for ashes,

the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

that they might be called trees of righteousness,

the planting of the LORD,

that he might be glorified.

Of Trust and Man

"Our Lord trusted no man; yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, never in despair about any man, because He put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man ever can be – absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Journeying

Gazing out from the train, I really enjoyed passing by the English countryside and seeing the herds of sheep, cows and horses. Edward Elgar's and Vaughan Williams' compositions from my mp3 player have never felt so fitting and compelling before. The Summer Sun lingers around and causes the land to bask in its golden light. Long train rides aren't that bad after-all. 

Reflection and Thanksgiving

A rather messy collection of thoughts and reflection of my journey during the final phase of my academic year - essentially an uninteresting mass of words but I just wanted to pen them down.

During a contact time with my personal tutor at the start of the year, he told me that I should feel very proud of myself with my mid-sessional grades. I told him I wasn't and explained; in the end, he told me I was just beating myself up. Or was I? Perhaps I was very influenced by the high expectations I have set for myself, in considering that doing well means getting a first class grade; short of that, it is just average or less. On hindsight, there were many factors that contributed to such a thinking: the amount of money my parents have put in for my education, the minimum of getting at least a second upper for grade for employability, the requirement of first class qualification for certain job qualifications, the expectations I have towards myself since I have already done a diploma in law etc. While not being stressed or worried about my future, I suppose these were major considerations that affected my actions. There was no chase for that first class grade (at least not expressed), neither did I consider myself being any better than my peers - they are all very brilliant indeed, much more than I, but there was that expectation I have towards myself to perform well. Admittedly, having been used to working towards perfect gpa scores previously played a part - but I was tired of it; and even that did not get me into law school in Singapore.


It is funny how I see grades as being somewhat artificial and non-representative but I still have that expectation of myself to do well. It wasn't a major issue but it somehow bugged me; although I wasn't setting goals for myself to work towards, I was still hoping for good results. Through this I was caught betwix and it was difficult balancing working hard without being sucked into the vicious cycle of paper chasing. But taking me by unaware, this expectation was lodged somewhere in the hidden stream of consciousness. The end result was probably a great deal of contradiction within me. Because I didnt set any goal for myself, I wasnt as motivated; but I didnt want to be unmotivated either because I still wanted to perform well. Unsurprisingly, it started taking a toll on me.


While revising one afternoon during my Easter break, there was this sense of 'annoyance' and frustration as the tension within me surfaced once more; it was something that I had to resolve and what is better than to commit and let go of the matter to the Lord once again? I was really thankful that there was a breakthrough this time round. It was impressed upon my heart not to strive for the grades but to enjoy the learning process. One factor that has spurred me to want to do well is to be better equipped such that I can avail myself wherever God wants me to go to in the future. I was thankful for the prompting from the Lord not to be concerned about it. The adaptation of 'Amazing Grace' by Chris Tomlin rang within my mind and the part of the song 'my chains are gone, I have been set free' really spoke to me - it was like the chains of having to score first class grade being gone. As though it wasn't enough, the same song was sung in Church on Sunday. 


However, having that realisation and translating it into reality was no easy feat. It was not easy to enjoy the learning process when I had so much stuff to remember that it was almost depressing thinking about it.  Furthermore, it was still very easy going through the motion of revision without setting the focus right. I thank God for people He has placed along my journey that encouraged and inspired me to keep that joy and be thankful for the process that I was going through. I remember one prayer meeting where someone prayed the words of Romans 12:2 'Be ye not conformed to the world' - it resonated in the depth of my heart - 'deep calleth unto deep'; those were powerful words that reminded me of my calling and the word that the Lord had spoken to me. Nonetheless, it was an ongoing daily struggle where I had to wrestle with myself even till the last paper - possibly even after that. It wasn't just about the studying, but about getting the focus right while doing so. 


My papers didn't go as I expected - I forgot stuff for questions that I spotted and came out; attempted harder questions when I knew the answer for easier ones - till date I have no idea why I did that; possibly I was just being stubborn and bent on attempting topics that I was interested in. Nonetheless, I am so grateful for the release wrought by the work of the Holy Spirit, that I didn't have to work towards getting high scores but to just enjoy the learning process, of which I am glad that I managed to, even if not all of it. 


I am still coming to terms with how my first academic year has ended. It felt as though so much/but not much has happened. Perhaps time has passed by too quickly; can't imagine how my 2nd and 3rd year will go... Looking back, I am thankful for the work and presence of the Lord for the past academic year . There were happenings that could have really thrown me off-course but He does not put us into something more than we can bear. I thought I should come up with a list (non-exhaustive) of things to be thankful for:

Thank you Lord for Your presence and sustenance; 

Thank you Lord for this new journey where You are leading me by each step;

Thank you Lord for the friends and people that I have met here;

Thank you Lord for the opportunity of education;

Thank you Lord for Your providence; 

Thank you Lord for family and friends back home who are walking this road of faith together 

Thank you Lord, because You are faithful and are worthy of all our praises

Thank you Lord, because You make all things new and beautiful. 

Pause

Tonight I can sleep without any thoughts of the essay due, the legal journal articles I have not read and the multitude of cases to remember the following day. It has been more than 2 months of work, revision and examinations. I never thought of these as a burden but now that they are gone, it really is a relief, at least for now. Barring the possibility of failing any modules, it is frightening how my first year of university life has already ended. But a very welcoming end to a chapter nonetheless. Now, I just hope that I won't dream of any of those stuff - I've had enough of construing exemption, frustration and third party clauses in my dreams. A good night's sleep - ah, a welcoming thought.

My Provider

If Jesus can provide and feed 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fishes, I am sure He can provide me with what He deems fit for my exams.

Da Pacem Domine

Da Pacem Damine: Give Peace O Lord
One of my many favourites from the works of Arvo Part that is consonant with what I currently feel. 

Give peace, O Lord, in our time 

Because there is no one else 

Who will fight for us 

If not You, our God.

The sun and the blues

It is nice to have sunshine;

particularly so when all you see is dark clouds for everyday for the past week or so.

Here's a view from Stokeleigh camp in Leigh Woods. I took a walk to look for bluebells in the woods for some revision break. Got lost and wandered around before chancing this view. It seems like I have been taking too many breaks - each revision lecture only shows how unprepared I am for my exam. Can't wait for it to be over, yet not wanting to deal with it. It is liberating not to be under a pressure to score well, yet at the same time, a sense of apprehensiveness trying to avert not doing well.

Oh bluebells, captured my sight you did. But why fill me with the blues too?

Iob

If a man die, shall he live again?

All the days of my appointed time will I wait, 

Till my change come. 

Thou shalt call, and I will answer thee: 

For thou wilt have a desire to the work of thine hands. 
Job 14:14-15

Fuga and a Fudge of Contrapunto

The flight of time always leave those behind with a sense of want; 

a gaping hole between how things are and how they should be. 

Particularly so when one is sucked into a vortex of revision and coursework,

a sense of endless race with the different interests at stake competing. 

Thankfully, it's not endless for the end of this set time is in sight; but alas, distantly near.
'Please be my strength.'

Avoco

I do apologise for the inactivity of late; there have been a couple of things that I'd thought of writing about but I have been rather occupied with revision and slacking (what an excuse!). Hopefully I will make myself write a proper post soon.

In the meantime, to keep you occupied, you can take a look at this if you are into cooking and feel like trying out stuff like making sorbet. A food blog that my uni friends have started and roped me in (I am still figuring how to contribute properly): tummytroll. Also, as I have created a flickr account here I will probably upload photos sporadically (it is really a pathetic collection right now). Since this is the season for exams, there will be extremely limited phototaking.

Weathering the Weather

The UK's weather is really interesting. You can look up to see the blue sky and sunshine on one side and the threatening dark clouds on the other. 15 minutes of sunshine and then 15 minutes of rain and the cycle repeats. Nice warm sunshine on one moment and then cold wind blasting against your face the next moment. It isnt an overstatement to say that the wind can throw you off balance.

I like it though. Changes that make life interesting and colourful.

From a random note during lunch break.

Faith

Just a thought that crossed my mind while looking at these barren trees,

wondering when will they be clothed with leave once again. 

Perhaps one aspect of faith is simply stopping to ask 'when' but to rest in Him.  

A flowery affair

It has been awhile since I last saw these daisies in the garden of my hall and while walking through it yesterday, I saw many of them blooming along the pavement and it was a lovely sight. I think I like flowers...but I am not sure if I like flowers for looking like flowers or for the ideas that flowers convey. Granted, they look pretty, elegant and are pleasant to behold; making themselves good subject for nature photography. But flowers, like many other created things, convey deeper meaning in life and even speak of our relationship and dependence on God. Taking photos of flowers have also created a greater sense of awareness for this. 

Nature is one thing that I have loved since being a child. I did not watch much television as a kid and I did not understand why anyone watches cartoon until I was nine years old - those were really fun stuff for a kid. Till date, I still enjoy watching some anime. But cartoon was never something in my life during my early days in existence- the only stuff I watched on the television then were wildlife documentaries and military stuff; and the stuff I read were encyclopaedias (talk about childhood - my poly classmates made me watch power rangers so that I can 'regain my childhood' at the age of 21; power rangers was really not part of my childhood). I grew up being intrigued with nature and military stuff (I was fascinated with fighter planes and fighting robots like Gundam), wanting to be either a wildlife researcher or a fighter pilot; I still would have tried for the latter if not for being colour blind - what can beat dogfighting manoeuvres for thrills? How I ended up with law is still a mystery. Anyway, back to the point: I love nature. Nature, apart from its beauty, terror, mystery and awe contains so much depth and speaks of the wonders of God. When you look at a star-filled night with shooting stars, it leaves you with a profound sense of being a minute being. How a seed is being formed, and then a flower forming from a seed is a mystery - not that it cannot be explained by science- but the force working behind the processes leading to all of these. 

The dependence of the flower on sunshine and rain speaks so much of our dependence on God. Can a flower cause the water to fall from heavens or make the sun shine on it? It is totally dependent on God and it is God that enables the flower to grow. We are no different - totally dependent on God with Him as the source of our life. King Solomon wrote: "[God] hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.". One thing that I have thoroughly enjoyed being in the UK is to see the changing faces of nature as the season passes by. During Autumn, I saw leaves turning red and dropping dead; winter brought about Snowdrop flowers flourishing along with Ruby Giant in beautiful batches of white and blue/purple (can't really tell) that were gorgeous looking amidst the snow. With Spring comes the Duffydil in its bright yellow array. God really makes things beautiful in His time - we only ruin things when we want things done according to our will and timing.

With photography, I am learning that timing for taking photos is very important as well - it is said that photography is all about capturing the light. The time of the day, the intensity of the sunshine, the angle of the sun all plays a role in determining the outcome of the photo. One has to know the appropriate time to capture the shot - there are things that no amount of editing can replicate. Again, some things are just more beautiful at the appropriate time and there is no point in rushing it or forcing an outcome - most certainly that it is not for us to glorify ourselves in our lives.

Flowers in their beauty and elegance can speak of great strength, courage and resilience in adverse circumstances. Jesus said that Solomon, even in all his glory, was not arrayed as the lilies of the field. I think that for Jesus to say this truly mean there is something is profound about the lilies, and probably flowers too. If flowers are more glorious than mankind and they themselves fade away, surely men's glory is de minimis: "for all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away".

Having said these, do I like flowers or what flowers represent? Perhaps both - I know not. This I do know: it is time to cook lunch and then read up on judicial review. 

Dreaming

The weather has been lovely for the past 2 weeks. It feels like having aircon in the outdoors and it is great because I enjoy sitting in the park near school while having lunch, 'basking' under the sun with the cooling wind in the face, and listening to good old classical music. It is quite an interesting sight when the locals go to the parks and just lie there to enjoy the sun when it is out. I suppose it is just not a culture for Singaporeans to do this...I mean, seriously, sitting in a park under the tropical heat? No thanks. But it is a different matter here- where sunny days have been infrequent for the past few months. These days it gets dark at 8pm - compared to 4pm just a few months back!

The only downside is that because I have been working on my essay for the past week, it made me feel bad for not going out to fully enjoy the weather. There is this feeling of wanting to be in a state of oblivion and just relaxing like this man in Brighton. Since the weather forecast shows today to be the last sunny day for the coming week, I have decided go out and take some photos during the afternoon - probably read a book in a park too. Hopefully I will be able to upload some decent shots in time to come.

Green Park, London

If there is one reason for me to like London, 

it will be the lovely parks with their patches of flowers blooming during Spring. 

Why use this?

This is going to be a post about a camera equipment...so please spare yourself if you don't wish to be bored. Also, since I am a beginner to photography and dslr, this is meant for sharing information with those who are of the same category as I am - please ignore it if you don't think you are a beginner. The purpose is for sharing my thoughts on why a simple kit lens can be good enough for normal usage, thus avoiding the need of spending much more money on better lens of the similar focal length. 

If you have just gotten a dslr or am planning to get one, you will be familiar the term of a kit lens. I have heard how they have been dismissed as rubbish lens...slow, bad distortion, flares, fringing etc. For Nikon users, you would most probably be looking at the Nikon 18-55mm F3.5-5.6 VR DX. This is the current lens that I use together with the Nikkor AIS 28mm F2.8, Nikon E Series 35mm F2.5 (left in Singapore) and Nikon E Series 75-150mm F3.5 (all of these are legacy lens from my dad).

When I brought my camera for servicing last year, I was asked why I was using a kit lens on my camera body. It was probably just a nicer way of saying that this lens is rubbish and should not be used. I didn't tell the person that this lens costs lesser than the service fees he charged; the kit lens was bought second hand for S$120 and I never regretted purchasing it. To date, I have taken the most number of photos with it and it has served me well.

It took me a long time before I decided to purchase this kit lens. Prior to this lens, the 28mm lens was the widest lens I had and it was way too narrow for my liking on a crop sensor because I like taking landscape photos. While I have thoughts of getting a ultra-wide angle lens, I decided that I should try with a standard zoom lens before deciding if I really need an ultra-wide lens like the Tokina 11-16mm, since using a standard zoom lens will be a useful tool for learning the art of composition and framing. Though the Tamron 17-50mm F2.8 is a popular choice since it costs much lesser than the Nikkor 17-50 F2.8, it still cost a few hundred dollars more than the Nikon 18-55mm kit lens. The following factors influenced my decision in getting the kit lens eventually:

1) Cost of the kit lens- as an underpaid national serviceman who just finished his service and waiting to go to school, money was an issue. Since I am merely a hobbyist, I didn't see a reason why I should spend even more money when I wasn't sure if I really needed a better lens. There is always the danger of the 'buy-buy-buy (BBB) virus'.

2) It is the photographer and not the gear that makes the difference. I decided that using a 'not-so-good' lens will be beneficial in forcing oneself to know how to work within the limits of one's gears and knowing how to push them. Good photographers can take excellent photos even with simple gears - a stage I can only aspire to reach.

3) Technical reasons:

• all my other lenses use a 52mm filter thread. Since the kit lens uses the same filter thread, I need not purchase filters of different sizes. (52mm filters are generally cheaper as well). 
• Since I like landscape photos and one don't shoot landscape shots at F2.8, the idea of a fast lens lost its appeal. If it is street photography, my prime lens can be used instead. The same idea is employed for group shots in gathering with friends...you can't shoot at F2.8 because the depth of field is too thin. 

Having used this lens for more than 2/3 of a year, I am really satisfied with its performance. The sharpness is decent and the VR is useful when using slow shutter speed. Although it has some flaws (my 28mm thrashes it in terms of sharpness, distortion and chromatic aberrations), I have learnt to live with it. After all, I am no professional and only take photos out of interest. Do take a look at online reviews of this lens; it is highly rated for being 'value-for-money'. 

Hence, if you are thinking of upgrading your standard zoom lens while still in the same category as I am, it is a good idea to use the kit lens till you have reached a stage where you can no longer live with its limitation (probably by then you will have a better idea of knowing which area you are most interested in and will get a suitable lens for it). With the availability of software like Adobe Photoshop, Lightroom and DxO, corrections can be made to solve the distortion. Having good techniques for hand-held shots, together with the VR of the kit lens, is particularly useful for compensating the smaller aperture of the lens. Furthermore, with the presence of noise-reduction software and modern dslr body being capable of taking decent shots above 1,600 iso, it gives room for increasing the shutter speed even at smaller aperture under lowlight conditions. 

My camera is a piece of technology that is half a decade old that can't shoot anything above 1600 iso without it looking like a result of a handphone camera; I also only use Picasa to do minor adjustments for my photos. That being so, the kit lens has worked well enough for me even under these limitation. When will I stop using it then? Probably when it malfunctions, which might not be too long given how I use it even when it is raining...I may also stop using it when get my ultra wide angle lens but that won't be anytime soon.

Fuji S5 Pro, Nikon 18-55mm, Hoya CPL Filter
30mm, F10, 1/30s, ISO 100
Post-Processed with Picasa 

Time Stood Still

Time stood still on my watch on the 19th of March at 02:15:24. I had the battery replaced prior to coming over so it is weird that the juice has ran out so quickly. Perhaps age has caught up with watch; it was 7 years ago when I won it at a lucky draw during high school's graduation night. 

Waking up 6 hours later, I wondered what would have happened if time really stood still at 02:15:24. I was sleeping then and the world on the other side of the globe was probably facing certain Monday blues. I obviously have no answer to my own question. However, it further questioned me about what am I doing with my life. Suppose time ended for me then as well, where will I stand when I meet my Creator? Can I be confident that there is nothing in me that will be ashamed as I stand before Him? 

While browsing through the news feed in the book of faces yesterday night, I was informed that a loved one of someone has just passed away. I don't know that person but the knowledge of death had an impact on me: the knowledge that the end has arrived. It is in the face of such an end that most things in life don't matter at all.  I recall sitting in a court room of the Supreme Court when the sentence of the death penalty was read out to the convicted accused. He wasn't dead after the sentence was read out, but those in the court room knew that he was as good as dead; the fact that he was alive then made no difference. Perhaps it is Ecclesiastes working in my mind, for it writes, "better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart." But death in itself is not the real end; it is only an end to the temporal existence in this world. 

That being so, the same question is being asked again: for if death is not the end but merely the closure of the temporal existence here, of which I have to given an account for, what am I doing with my life? Where will I stand when my time in this world has stopped? 

A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.

It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: 

for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. 

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. 

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. 

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof...

Ecclesiastes 7

Hope

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is fraud. probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it,  but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing" CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

Of late I have been finding this passage truer than ever; every fulfilment of a wish only brings about a greater sense of futility. The acquisition of knowledge only deepens the conviction of the hopelessness in the system that we are in. Beneath the labels and facade of various political ideas and social norms lies the fallacy of mankind and the hypocrisy of his works. Looking closer, we find contradictions even in what was meant to put an end to such. They come in many names with the likes of democracy, rule of law and human rights- fanciful sounding concepts that creates more questions than answers. Mankind has no hope in this world that is passing by.

The truth that we are but strangers and pilgrims journeying on this earth writes deeper in my heart as the days pass by. I am no hero of faith, but more than ever, it feels as though my eyes have been unveiled, as far as this is concerned, to see how, as the heroes of faith in Heb 11 saw, my country and belonging is not one found here. While CS Lewis' passage was an aspiration of a state to attain, perhaps it has now been embedded somewhere within, that of a truth, I was made for another world.

Not made for here.

Thanksgiving

Since I am having a massive headache and body-ache all over, I have decided to end the futile attempts of completing my readings. This illness has come about after weeks of on-off blocked nose, headache, lack of sleep and poor quality sleep etc; I suppose the recent weekend trip triggered the onset with all the food and exhaustion from travelling. But as the scripture says, 'in everything give thanks!'...so I am still thankful that I am not totally bedridden and as sick as how I was in Singapore.

On a brighter side, here's a photo that I took during the weekend trip to Brighton. With the subtlety of the lone couple, flying gull and a passing boat, it is one of my favourites from the trip. The title of Switchfoot's song 'Love, Life and Why' sprang to my mind when I saw it. 

I really enjoyed my time at Brighton! Having always enjoy being under the sun, sea and sand back home, it was really nice being back by the seaside, never mind the pebble beach instead. Thankful for lovely weather and the company of friends. I haven't had such a relaxing time since the start of Spring term; basically just eating, sightseeing and sleeping (or lack of). To top it off, I saw two lovely sunset while I was there, Here's the one on the second day. 

My head weighs like a ton now; I am surprised I still can type coherently... Hopefully I will feel better when I wake up tomorrow. 

A Little Much

"Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make everyday are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible". CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

Bored

10am on a Saturday morning,

and the library is already more than half packed.

Come in any later, and you will find all the ideal seats occupied.

Studying is a boring business. 

My neighbour has demonstrated one of its effect. 

So have I. 

Thank You Lord

I chanced upon this song this afternoon and was blessed by it!

Thank You Lord for the Trials that Come My Way

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

Verily, verily I say unto thee

Truth is always Truth.
Where followers err,
And institutions falter,
It remains the Truth.
Even when the world denies
and eyes turned away
with the ears shut to refuse.
It remains the Truth.
Said to be contradictory
Labelled as confusing
Illogical and seemingly baseless.
It still remains as the Truth.

Jesus said, 'I am the Way, the Truth and the Life...'. Even if Christians have erred, fallen, and denied Him and the behaviour of Christian and the institutions inconsistent with what Jesus said, it does not invalidate Jesus as the truth. In no way does the fallible nature of man discredit Christ's infallible nature. He is the Truth and remains so; unaffected by what the world believe, say, do and deny. It does not matter what I think or what you think. Our opinions are altogether weightless. Nothing can change the truth that Jesus is the "Way, Truth and Life'.

I am not Procrustes

A quote that spoke to me this morning.

"Our danger is to water down God’s word to suit ourselves. God never fits His word to suit me; He fits me to suit His word." Oswald Chambers, Not Knowing Wither

Down Avon Gorge

Last night I was informed of an abseiling event for charity today by my hallmate and I agreed without any hesitation. The both of us spent 4 hours travelling and waiting in the cold rain for our descent. Here's my hallmate at his turn.

Though I had no experience in abseiling, it was pretty safe so I was generous in lowering myself quickly down the cliff. How can you bear to lower cautiously? Certain parts were challenging for a total greenhorn like me but it was fun. I really liked the feeling of releasing myself down with the sound of the sliding rope.Will definitely try it again in the future!

Stuck

You get pins and needles if you stay too long in the same position. 

Moving On

This week brings about the graduation ceremony in my school. Seeing the graduands in their gown brought about memories of my graduation ceremony 3 years ago and increased my wish to graduate now... it is not that I dont enjoy being a student, but i realise that i always am looking forward to the next phase of life.

4 years ago i couldnt wait for my last semester to end and graduate.
3 years ago i couldnt wait to get out of army on the 1st day i enlisted.
1 year ago i couldnt wait to go to law school (must have been crazy)
Now i cant wait to graduate.

Perhaps there is always a desire for adventure beneath this expressionless face. This probably explains my liking towards thrills and the tendency to do push one's limit where appropriate.
Skydiving during Easter break sounds good!

Of love and a demon

M. Denis de Rougement wrote, "Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god." C.S. Lewis paraphrased it be,"[love] begins to be a demon the moment he begins to be a god."*

God is love, but love is not God. There is "nearness by likeness" and there is "nearness by approach".* If love becomes a persons's god, it becomes a person's demon.*

*C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Allure of Snow

Since my polytechnic days, I've had the habits of not attending less useful lectures (I remember walking out on one, with my classmate saying we were engineering students :P), playing psp during boring lectures and listening to music during most lectures. Some habits still survive up till this day. Oh, did I mention dozing off in lectures in the front row? Lately I started having problems with my 9am lectures. With the subzero weather plus less-than-ideal sleep I have been having, waking up early for law lectures is a pain. (While typing, I paused to think about how I woke up almost 5am plus daily in the army - no excuse!) But snoozing the alarm and continue sleeping is just too enjoyable a comfort to ignore. Besides, lectures are recorded and uploaded online - so why the trouble?

This morning was no different, except that I knew it would be snowing early in the morning. I was not disappointed when I woke up to see white rooftops across the street. It was snowing again! There was something so alluring about snowfall. Watching the snowflakes 'floating' down and dancing as the wind dictates is a really beautiful sight. While walking through the snowfall last weekend and listening to Bach Violin Sonata, I told myself that I have already completed an objective of studying in Europe. So, I was soon up and awake, dressed and ready; not for lecture, but for a walk to a certain Brandon Hill park at 8am.

From the view off Cabot Tower, it was white and misty. Without any proper footwear, it was an exciting time of walking up slippery footpaths and an even more exciting time sliding down like a penguin. The feeling of snow against my face and the sound of the shoe on the snow on the ground was great. Unfortunately, it was soon time to attend the lecture.

After sliding down more footpaths and climbing up more slopes, I walked into the wrong lecture theatre. Seems like a wrong decision was made again to attend lectures.

Snow

"For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: so shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." Isaiah 55 

 "I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing tkaen from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before Him" Ecclesiastes 3

Muse

Sometimes, you only realise what you really want when you don't achieve it.

Gem

I am probably being weird but I actually enjoyed reading the below passage written by Lord Steyn. While I do not have the aspiration of being a judge, I suppose this is something which lawyers have to be mindful of as well. 
"Judge Learned Hand once said: “A society whose judges have taught it to expect complaisance will exact complaisance …If the judges of today teach a new generation of lawyers, and judges, that complaisance by the judiciary to the views of the legislature and the executive in policy areas is the best way forward, one of the pillars of our democracy will have been weakened. In troubled times there is an ever present danger of the seductive but misconceived judicial mindset that “after all, we are on the same side as the government”. 
Instead the judges of today must show by example to a new generation of lawyers, and judges, that it is the democratic and constitutional duty of judges to stand up where necessary for individuals against the government. The public is entitled to expect impartial and effective decision-making by a judiciary fulfilling its democratic duty in full measure--neither more nor less." 

- Lord Steyn, Deference: a tangled story

Not Too Late

Since January is not yet over, I suppose it is not too late to come out with a goal (perhaps another one) for the year?

It probably sounds silly but I have decided that I shall work towards the goal of being able to continue fitting into my pair of size 28 jeans till the end of the year. I seem to have been eating more lately and have felt its effect.

Running during winter sounds like an excellent way of burning calories. It is also a good way of keeping the mind clear while taking a break from law books.The temperature range is -1 to -7 this Thursday. Sounds like a plan!

The Little Foxes

'Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.' 

Song of Songs 2:15 

While going through my reading materials last week, there was this particular case that I felt strongly against. I had to stop reading at one point of time because I was really put off by what the judge said. This theme of compromise kept appearing before me and I couldn't help but feel the following:

One compromise always lead to another.

Bad outcome don't usually happen immediately, it is more often that not an accumulation of a series of wrongdoings that eventually brings about the consequence. If presented with an idea that is evidently wrong against the standards/principles we hold to, it is not difficult to reject it. Satan knows this too well; so it goes for the subtle approach that leads us to compromise bit by bit, till we reach a point where we reject what we used to think/believe is right: calling good evil, and evil good. This is happening all around us in the society.

Have we been giving space for little foxes to spoil the vines (our relationship with the Lord)? We can tell when our fruits are lacking.

We do not have the power to keep ourselves. But we must constantly avail ourselves to the Lord and allow Him to bring to light our weaknesses. From there, we co-labour with Him to walk in the light and 'make no provision for the flesh to fulfil the lust thereof'.

Let us be watchful against the wiles of the evil one, that we may we not be ashamed when He returns!

Proverbs 16:6

Didici Disciplinam

Amidst the grandiose backdrop of the countryside, reservoir and hills at Peak District, it was this delicate clump of moss with the water droplets that caught my eye - I love the simplicity and beauty of water beads forming up on plants. It was amazing how such a little wonder of nature amplified the beauty of the surroundings.  

Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction.

While reading through certain books and articles lately, the idea of how it is the little things we do, and the choices we make, that produces a difference surfaced once more. Suffice to say, better for small things to be done and said in the Spirit, in love, consideration and wisdom than otherwise. 

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.