Why use this?

This is going to be a post about a camera equipment...so please spare yourself if you don't wish to be bored. Also, since I am a beginner to photography and dslr, this is meant for sharing information with those who are of the same category as I am - please ignore it if you don't think you are a beginner. The purpose is for sharing my thoughts on why a simple kit lens can be good enough for normal usage, thus avoiding the need of spending much more money on better lens of the similar focal length. 

If you have just gotten a dslr or am planning to get one, you will be familiar the term of a kit lens. I have heard how they have been dismissed as rubbish lens...slow, bad distortion, flares, fringing etc. For Nikon users, you would most probably be looking at the Nikon 18-55mm F3.5-5.6 VR DX. This is the current lens that I use together with the Nikkor AIS 28mm F2.8, Nikon E Series 35mm F2.5 (left in Singapore) and Nikon E Series 75-150mm F3.5 (all of these are legacy lens from my dad).

When I brought my camera for servicing last year, I was asked why I was using a kit lens on my camera body. It was probably just a nicer way of saying that this lens is rubbish and should not be used. I didn't tell the person that this lens costs lesser than the service fees he charged; the kit lens was bought second hand for S$120 and I never regretted purchasing it. To date, I have taken the most number of photos with it and it has served me well.

It took me a long time before I decided to purchase this kit lens. Prior to this lens, the 28mm lens was the widest lens I had and it was way too narrow for my liking on a crop sensor because I like taking landscape photos. While I have thoughts of getting a ultra-wide angle lens, I decided that I should try with a standard zoom lens before deciding if I really need an ultra-wide lens like the Tokina 11-16mm, since using a standard zoom lens will be a useful tool for learning the art of composition and framing. Though the Tamron 17-50mm F2.8 is a popular choice since it costs much lesser than the Nikkor 17-50 F2.8, it still cost a few hundred dollars more than the Nikon 18-55mm kit lens. The following factors influenced my decision in getting the kit lens eventually:

1) Cost of the kit lens- as an underpaid national serviceman who just finished his service and waiting to go to school, money was an issue. Since I am merely a hobbyist, I didn't see a reason why I should spend even more money when I wasn't sure if I really needed a better lens. There is always the danger of the 'buy-buy-buy (BBB) virus'.

2) It is the photographer and not the gear that makes the difference. I decided that using a 'not-so-good' lens will be beneficial in forcing oneself to know how to work within the limits of one's gears and knowing how to push them. Good photographers can take excellent photos even with simple gears - a stage I can only aspire to reach.

3) Technical reasons:

• all my other lenses use a 52mm filter thread. Since the kit lens uses the same filter thread, I need not purchase filters of different sizes. (52mm filters are generally cheaper as well). 
• Since I like landscape photos and one don't shoot landscape shots at F2.8, the idea of a fast lens lost its appeal. If it is street photography, my prime lens can be used instead. The same idea is employed for group shots in gathering with friends...you can't shoot at F2.8 because the depth of field is too thin. 

Having used this lens for more than 2/3 of a year, I am really satisfied with its performance. The sharpness is decent and the VR is useful when using slow shutter speed. Although it has some flaws (my 28mm thrashes it in terms of sharpness, distortion and chromatic aberrations), I have learnt to live with it. After all, I am no professional and only take photos out of interest. Do take a look at online reviews of this lens; it is highly rated for being 'value-for-money'. 

Hence, if you are thinking of upgrading your standard zoom lens while still in the same category as I am, it is a good idea to use the kit lens till you have reached a stage where you can no longer live with its limitation (probably by then you will have a better idea of knowing which area you are most interested in and will get a suitable lens for it). With the availability of software like Adobe Photoshop, Lightroom and DxO, corrections can be made to solve the distortion. Having good techniques for hand-held shots, together with the VR of the kit lens, is particularly useful for compensating the smaller aperture of the lens. Furthermore, with the presence of noise-reduction software and modern dslr body being capable of taking decent shots above 1,600 iso, it gives room for increasing the shutter speed even at smaller aperture under lowlight conditions. 

My camera is a piece of technology that is half a decade old that can't shoot anything above 1600 iso without it looking like a result of a handphone camera; I also only use Picasa to do minor adjustments for my photos. That being so, the kit lens has worked well enough for me even under these limitation. When will I stop using it then? Probably when it malfunctions, which might not be too long given how I use it even when it is raining...I may also stop using it when get my ultra wide angle lens but that won't be anytime soon.

Fuji S5 Pro, Nikon 18-55mm, Hoya CPL Filter
30mm, F10, 1/30s, ISO 100
Post-Processed with Picasa 

Time Stood Still

Time stood still on my watch on the 19th of March at 02:15:24. I had the battery replaced prior to coming over so it is weird that the juice has ran out so quickly. Perhaps age has caught up with watch; it was 7 years ago when I won it at a lucky draw during high school's graduation night. 

Waking up 6 hours later, I wondered what would have happened if time really stood still at 02:15:24. I was sleeping then and the world on the other side of the globe was probably facing certain Monday blues. I obviously have no answer to my own question. However, it further questioned me about what am I doing with my life. Suppose time ended for me then as well, where will I stand when I meet my Creator? Can I be confident that there is nothing in me that will be ashamed as I stand before Him? 

While browsing through the news feed in the book of faces yesterday night, I was informed that a loved one of someone has just passed away. I don't know that person but the knowledge of death had an impact on me: the knowledge that the end has arrived. It is in the face of such an end that most things in life don't matter at all.  I recall sitting in a court room of the Supreme Court when the sentence of the death penalty was read out to the convicted accused. He wasn't dead after the sentence was read out, but those in the court room knew that he was as good as dead; the fact that he was alive then made no difference. Perhaps it is Ecclesiastes working in my mind, for it writes, "better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart." But death in itself is not the real end; it is only an end to the temporal existence in this world. 

That being so, the same question is being asked again: for if death is not the end but merely the closure of the temporal existence here, of which I have to given an account for, what am I doing with my life? Where will I stand when my time in this world has stopped? 

A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.

It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: 

for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. 

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. 

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. 

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof...

Ecclesiastes 7

Hope

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is fraud. probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it,  but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing" CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

Of late I have been finding this passage truer than ever; every fulfilment of a wish only brings about a greater sense of futility. The acquisition of knowledge only deepens the conviction of the hopelessness in the system that we are in. Beneath the labels and facade of various political ideas and social norms lies the fallacy of mankind and the hypocrisy of his works. Looking closer, we find contradictions even in what was meant to put an end to such. They come in many names with the likes of democracy, rule of law and human rights- fanciful sounding concepts that creates more questions than answers. Mankind has no hope in this world that is passing by.

The truth that we are but strangers and pilgrims journeying on this earth writes deeper in my heart as the days pass by. I am no hero of faith, but more than ever, it feels as though my eyes have been unveiled, as far as this is concerned, to see how, as the heroes of faith in Heb 11 saw, my country and belonging is not one found here. While CS Lewis' passage was an aspiration of a state to attain, perhaps it has now been embedded somewhere within, that of a truth, I was made for another world.

Not made for here.

Thanksgiving

Since I am having a massive headache and body-ache all over, I have decided to end the futile attempts of completing my readings. This illness has come about after weeks of on-off blocked nose, headache, lack of sleep and poor quality sleep etc; I suppose the recent weekend trip triggered the onset with all the food and exhaustion from travelling. But as the scripture says, 'in everything give thanks!'...so I am still thankful that I am not totally bedridden and as sick as how I was in Singapore.

On a brighter side, here's a photo that I took during the weekend trip to Brighton. With the subtlety of the lone couple, flying gull and a passing boat, it is one of my favourites from the trip. The title of Switchfoot's song 'Love, Life and Why' sprang to my mind when I saw it. 

I really enjoyed my time at Brighton! Having always enjoy being under the sun, sea and sand back home, it was really nice being back by the seaside, never mind the pebble beach instead. Thankful for lovely weather and the company of friends. I haven't had such a relaxing time since the start of Spring term; basically just eating, sightseeing and sleeping (or lack of). To top it off, I saw two lovely sunset while I was there, Here's the one on the second day. 

My head weighs like a ton now; I am surprised I still can type coherently... Hopefully I will feel better when I wake up tomorrow. 

A Little Much

"Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make everyday are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible". CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

Bored

10am on a Saturday morning,

and the library is already more than half packed.

Come in any later, and you will find all the ideal seats occupied.

Studying is a boring business. 

My neighbour has demonstrated one of its effect. 

So have I. 

Thank You Lord

I chanced upon this song this afternoon and was blessed by it!

Thank You Lord for the Trials that Come My Way

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

Verily, verily I say unto thee

Truth is always Truth.
Where followers err,
And institutions falter,
It remains the Truth.
Even when the world denies
and eyes turned away
with the ears shut to refuse.
It remains the Truth.
Said to be contradictory
Labelled as confusing
Illogical and seemingly baseless.
It still remains as the Truth.

Jesus said, 'I am the Way, the Truth and the Life...'. Even if Christians have erred, fallen, and denied Him and the behaviour of Christian and the institutions inconsistent with what Jesus said, it does not invalidate Jesus as the truth. In no way does the fallible nature of man discredit Christ's infallible nature. He is the Truth and remains so; unaffected by what the world believe, say, do and deny. It does not matter what I think or what you think. Our opinions are altogether weightless. Nothing can change the truth that Jesus is the "Way, Truth and Life'.

I am not Procrustes

A quote that spoke to me this morning.

"Our danger is to water down God’s word to suit ourselves. God never fits His word to suit me; He fits me to suit His word." Oswald Chambers, Not Knowing Wither

Down Avon Gorge

Last night I was informed of an abseiling event for charity today by my hallmate and I agreed without any hesitation. The both of us spent 4 hours travelling and waiting in the cold rain for our descent. Here's my hallmate at his turn.

Though I had no experience in abseiling, it was pretty safe so I was generous in lowering myself quickly down the cliff. How can you bear to lower cautiously? Certain parts were challenging for a total greenhorn like me but it was fun. I really liked the feeling of releasing myself down with the sound of the sliding rope.Will definitely try it again in the future!

Stuck

You get pins and needles if you stay too long in the same position. 

Moving On

This week brings about the graduation ceremony in my school. Seeing the graduands in their gown brought about memories of my graduation ceremony 3 years ago and increased my wish to graduate now... it is not that I dont enjoy being a student, but i realise that i always am looking forward to the next phase of life.

4 years ago i couldnt wait for my last semester to end and graduate.
3 years ago i couldnt wait to get out of army on the 1st day i enlisted.
1 year ago i couldnt wait to go to law school (must have been crazy)
Now i cant wait to graduate.

Perhaps there is always a desire for adventure beneath this expressionless face. This probably explains my liking towards thrills and the tendency to do push one's limit where appropriate.
Skydiving during Easter break sounds good!

Of love and a demon

M. Denis de Rougement wrote, "Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god." C.S. Lewis paraphrased it be,"[love] begins to be a demon the moment he begins to be a god."*

God is love, but love is not God. There is "nearness by likeness" and there is "nearness by approach".* If love becomes a persons's god, it becomes a person's demon.*

*C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Allure of Snow

Since my polytechnic days, I've had the habits of not attending less useful lectures (I remember walking out on one, with my classmate saying we were engineering students :P), playing psp during boring lectures and listening to music during most lectures. Some habits still survive up till this day. Oh, did I mention dozing off in lectures in the front row? Lately I started having problems with my 9am lectures. With the subzero weather plus less-than-ideal sleep I have been having, waking up early for law lectures is a pain. (While typing, I paused to think about how I woke up almost 5am plus daily in the army - no excuse!) But snoozing the alarm and continue sleeping is just too enjoyable a comfort to ignore. Besides, lectures are recorded and uploaded online - so why the trouble?

This morning was no different, except that I knew it would be snowing early in the morning. I was not disappointed when I woke up to see white rooftops across the street. It was snowing again! There was something so alluring about snowfall. Watching the snowflakes 'floating' down and dancing as the wind dictates is a really beautiful sight. While walking through the snowfall last weekend and listening to Bach Violin Sonata, I told myself that I have already completed an objective of studying in Europe. So, I was soon up and awake, dressed and ready; not for lecture, but for a walk to a certain Brandon Hill park at 8am.

From the view off Cabot Tower, it was white and misty. Without any proper footwear, it was an exciting time of walking up slippery footpaths and an even more exciting time sliding down like a penguin. The feeling of snow against my face and the sound of the shoe on the snow on the ground was great. Unfortunately, it was soon time to attend the lecture.

After sliding down more footpaths and climbing up more slopes, I walked into the wrong lecture theatre. Seems like a wrong decision was made again to attend lectures.

Snow

"For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: so shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." Isaiah 55 

 "I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing tkaen from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before Him" Ecclesiastes 3

Muse

Sometimes, you only realise what you really want when you don't achieve it.

Gem

I am probably being weird but I actually enjoyed reading the below passage written by Lord Steyn. While I do not have the aspiration of being a judge, I suppose this is something which lawyers have to be mindful of as well. 
"Judge Learned Hand once said: “A society whose judges have taught it to expect complaisance will exact complaisance …If the judges of today teach a new generation of lawyers, and judges, that complaisance by the judiciary to the views of the legislature and the executive in policy areas is the best way forward, one of the pillars of our democracy will have been weakened. In troubled times there is an ever present danger of the seductive but misconceived judicial mindset that “after all, we are on the same side as the government”. 
Instead the judges of today must show by example to a new generation of lawyers, and judges, that it is the democratic and constitutional duty of judges to stand up where necessary for individuals against the government. The public is entitled to expect impartial and effective decision-making by a judiciary fulfilling its democratic duty in full measure--neither more nor less." 

- Lord Steyn, Deference: a tangled story

Not Too Late

Since January is not yet over, I suppose it is not too late to come out with a goal (perhaps another one) for the year?

It probably sounds silly but I have decided that I shall work towards the goal of being able to continue fitting into my pair of size 28 jeans till the end of the year. I seem to have been eating more lately and have felt its effect.

Running during winter sounds like an excellent way of burning calories. It is also a good way of keeping the mind clear while taking a break from law books.The temperature range is -1 to -7 this Thursday. Sounds like a plan!

The Little Foxes

'Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.' 

Song of Songs 2:15 

While going through my reading materials last week, there was this particular case that I felt strongly against. I had to stop reading at one point of time because I was really put off by what the judge said. This theme of compromise kept appearing before me and I couldn't help but feel the following:

One compromise always lead to another.

Bad outcome don't usually happen immediately, it is more often that not an accumulation of a series of wrongdoings that eventually brings about the consequence. If presented with an idea that is evidently wrong against the standards/principles we hold to, it is not difficult to reject it. Satan knows this too well; so it goes for the subtle approach that leads us to compromise bit by bit, till we reach a point where we reject what we used to think/believe is right: calling good evil, and evil good. This is happening all around us in the society.

Have we been giving space for little foxes to spoil the vines (our relationship with the Lord)? We can tell when our fruits are lacking.

We do not have the power to keep ourselves. But we must constantly avail ourselves to the Lord and allow Him to bring to light our weaknesses. From there, we co-labour with Him to walk in the light and 'make no provision for the flesh to fulfil the lust thereof'.

Let us be watchful against the wiles of the evil one, that we may we not be ashamed when He returns!

Proverbs 16:6

Didici Disciplinam

Amidst the grandiose backdrop of the countryside, reservoir and hills at Peak District, it was this delicate clump of moss with the water droplets that caught my eye - I love the simplicity and beauty of water beads forming up on plants. It was amazing how such a little wonder of nature amplified the beauty of the surroundings.  

Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction.

While reading through certain books and articles lately, the idea of how it is the little things we do, and the choices we make, that produces a difference surfaced once more. Suffice to say, better for small things to be done and said in the Spirit, in love, consideration and wisdom than otherwise. 

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

It had only just begun

Yet the end has come.

To be continued...

At this time of the year, there is often a reflection of the past year and the hope for the new. I too, was almost caught in the trend. While I had wanted to write about it the night before I left for Sheffield, I did not have the time to do so and hence the incomplete post. 

Perhaps, it's meant to be this way. The process of reflecting, searching, self-discovery has no end. The end of 2011 was just the end of a chapter; an end filled with and yet without answer(s). A chapter that witnessed and experienced the most of the stages of human life and its emotions since life has begun for me: of life and death, peace and strife, joy and pain, happiness and sorrow, love and the lack of it, fulfilment and futility. The title of the chapter is probably called 'Of Life'. It is too much to go through and I don't wish to - probably am glad I didn't. Our existence is but frail and fleeting; and for all the experiences, there are always two sides of the coin. 

Life goes on - everyone has to deal with this. But I can almost feel the Author of my life writing the title of the new chapter: "All Things New". Yes, You make all things new. 

03.01.12 

Chill Pill

It's not yet fully into winter but it's already kind of chilly. To understand how it feels, hold a few ice cubes in your hands and walk around holding them. Then imagine your whole body feeling this cold sensation on your palms. Chilling isn't it...hey man, take a chill pill...

The heater in my room was spoilt since last week and it has been around 2-4 deg every night. It was not that cold but sufficiently cold that I almost got muscle cramp on a few occasions - soreness every night though. I resorted to doing push ups, crunches etc to make my body feel warmer... It didn't help much so the best solution was just to put on my jacket in my room. The heater might have been asking me to take a chill pill...

Anyway, I am grateful to a friend in my hall who got to know of my chilling attitude and decided to lend me her heating fan...not sure what you call it but it looks like this:

I hate to say this but it was quite lovely to have blasts of hot air blowing at you; I'm certain it would have been an abominable thing in Singapore (aircon please). Thankful for my friend's kindness.

The heater started working again yesterday - it was so comforting to walk back into a warm room. It really made me appreciate the things that I have. This is so cliché, but we really often neglect the things we have till we no longer have them. My experience with these few cold nights also gave me insights on those who are unable to afford the heating during winter, and also those homeless I see at times.

In everything, give thanks.

p.s. I should be doing my coursework but I ended up here. Somehow I really don't have the mood to do work...I guess I will pay for it the night before submission but I suppose taking a chill pill is fine.

Turn me to You

 Turn us again, O LORD God of hosts, cause thy face to shine; and we shall be saved.

Psalm 80:19

This was the ending verse for my scripture reading last night. God has often spoke to me through the occurrence of events in nature e.g. the way of an eagle in the air in contrast to a bird that can never soar in the skies, and He did it again this morning when I drew the curtains open. I know your face is shining and I shall be saved.

I had my first exam as a university student today and am thankful to God for the peace and rest in Him. While knowing God's faithfulness in speaking to me through such occurrence of the nature, I am also mindful that I cannot rely on these to build my faith in Him- for we are to walk by faith and not by sight.

The rampant harm of an evil heart of unbelief is far greater than what we can imagine.

心意阑珊

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: 

for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. 

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Divine Exchange

No turning away.
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My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me . . . Galatians 2:20

These words mean the breaking and collapse of my independence brought about by my own hands, and the surrendering of my life to the supremacy of the Lord Jesus. No one can do this for me, I must do it myself. God may bring me up to this point three hundred and sixty-five times a year, but He cannot push me through it. It means breaking the hard outer layer of my individual independence from God, and the liberating of myself and my nature into oneness with Him; not following my own ideas, but choosing absolute loyalty to Jesus. Once I am at that point, there is no possibility of misunderstanding. Very few of us know anything about loyalty to Christ or understand what He meant when He said, “. . . for My sake” (Matthew 5:11). That is what makes a strong saint.

Has that breaking of my independence come? All the rest is religious fraud. The one point to decide is— will I give up? Will I surrender to Jesus Christ, placing no conditions whatsoever as to how the brokenness will come? I must be broken from my own understanding of myself. When I reach that point, immediately the reality of the supernatural identification with Jesus Christ takes place. And the witness of the Spirit of God is unmistakable— “I have been crucified with Christ . . . .”

The passion of Christianity comes from deliberately signing away my own rights and becoming a bondservant of Jesus Christ. Until I do that, I will not begin to be a saint.

My heart, Your home

Know ye not that ye are the temple of God,

 and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? 

1 Cor 3:16

And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; 

as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; 

and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 

Wherefore come out from among them,  and be ye separate, saith the Lord, 

and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 

And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

2 Cor 6:16-18

These verses were very strongly impressed upon my heart on Sunday. God's presence in our lives is not dependent on where we are; it is dependent on where He is in our lives. It behoves us to make fit this temple for His dwelling, that His presence may be a reality in us.

Dissimilus

I am different; but not indifferent. 

Different does not mean I am better;

neither am I more important. 

Sun, rain, snow and wind; 

we partake of them all.  

Made subject to them, not unlike you. 

But felt and perceived differently. 

I know my identity; 

what I am called to be.

It changest not, but abideth forever. 

I am a blade of grass- and I remain as one.

Friend

Met an old friend today. It has always been a part of my life since childhood but pretty much neglected by me. As childhood and teenage years flew by, my neglect turned into regret. The attempts to reverse the flow were futile. You reap what you sow. This will remain as a great regret in my life: not learning the piano properly when I had the chance to. Not that I have no more chance, but will it be be worth the effort and time to put in now? 

It has been a month since any contact with the piano and it felt really good this afternoon to just rest my hands on the black and white keys. With whatever limited ability I have, I managed to 'play' some of the familiar worship songs. It was an escape. By the way, it was a baby grand piano...love the sound very much but I really wished I could bring more out of it.

Today is the last Friday of October and I have already been in Bristol for close to a month. Time is passing by so quickly and there's so much to read. But hey, first year doesn't count :D Since today's weather was great, I decided to take a walk around Clifton for some shutter pressing, here's one for you.

Thanks for reading!

Amoris

"There is no escape...There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable..

We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it." - The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis

So be it.

Journeying

Travelled to Sheffield last Friday to visit Adrian and Angela over the weekend.

As the journey was 5.5hours for each way, I was able to have a glimpse of UK's landscape outside of Bristol. The bus travelled from Bristol to Worcestershire, Birmingham, Derby and Chesterfield before finally reaching Sheffield. The time on the coach for both trips was mainly spent on sleeping, reading, taking photos and more reading. Thank God for lightings on the coach so that I could read at night.

This was the first shot of the journey. Unfortunately, I forgot to check my settings and it was taken in black and white format - I wished it was otherwise but this photo really invoked much feelings in me. The sceneries seen along the way were really superb - I really enjoyed looking out of the window to see the vast open fields with cattle in them - such idyllic settings. I must confess that I couldn't keep staring out all the time because it became repetitive.

Anyway, I am extremely thankful for the time spent with Adrian and Angela. When I first saw them, it felt so unreal! After all the time spent in having bible study at KFC, Macs, BK(Toa Payoh's outlets) back in sunny island, we are now in UK! Who could have imagined this? I had a wonderful time of sharing and fellowship with them; not to mention the time spent eating, preparing food, talking, playing console games (the wii was hilarious)... so grateful of everything and was really blessed by their love. Thank you! It's my best weekend in UK so far and I even got to eat Sarawak laksa! I felt like I was in Kuching - well, minus the cold wind. They also brought me to Sherwood forest and it was a really pretty place!

During the church service on Sunday at Sheffield, there was a word of knowledge given about God's promise/faithfulness - something to do with rainbow but I am unable to remember it in detail. Yesterday, I saw a really beautiful rainbow while walking back from the library to my room.

I'm doing pretty okay over here right now. Slowly adjusting to the life of a law student once again. Reading the readings and reading the read. It probably sounds really nerdy but it really gives me a sense of familiarity- using Lexis Nexis and  ploughing through those huge textbooks (no lawnet so it's westlaw now), though the volume is much greater than before and is quite challenging.

I'll also like to share a song that has greatly blessed me:


Be thankful for everything.

Respite

Phew, finally a break!

My school told us that we need to do 40 hours of studying each week. I really hope that it is true because I think we are currently doing more than that. By the way, this is week 1 of the term. Last week was freshers' week but our proper lectures started anyway.Prior to coming, I have been sent a letter and an email instructing me to do some pre-arrival reading. I'd wished then that my school wasn't that serious. Somehow it was serious about it and most of the law students took it seriously too! I ended up coming to school with 4 chapters of readings behind probably a majority of the students. Hence, I have been doing a fair bit of catching up on top of preparing for the seminars that have their own separate readings. It has been quite tiring (haven't been nerding this much for more than two years) and I am so relieved that I have a break tomorrow! I will probably have to catch up on 3-4 chapters of reading that I have been behind for the lectures over the weekend though...plus seminars to prepare too. It's rather daunting because I find myself being weaker than the rest of the students - particularly when it comes to catching the more theoretical and abstract concepts.

Studies aside, a fair bit of life here has to deal with adaptation - adapting to the studying environment; the thought process required in school (putting down the old and putting on the new- learning to look at things from a different perspective and train of thought); the weather; the people e.t.c. It's easy to put a blame on other things for the evident differences:  being schooled in a different way for three years; being in the army for two years (rumour has it that it makes you stupid); being an introvert; difficulty in adjustments to a new environment... Well, there's no excuse for anything and it's imperative to adjust, adapt to the new environment and make the best of it. I'm still in the process of trying to get into a routine of going to school, cooking, studying and doing laundry...perhaps getting to know people more as well. A slow process but I think it's slightly improving as each day passes.

Above all these, the greatest comfort and assurance is that God is in control and I can put my trust in Him no matter what happens; I also know that there are other members of Christ wherever I am. In fact, I just came back from a supposedly bible study. As it was a new start to the group with different students, it was more of an intro where people shared about how they became Christians. I was blessed by those who shared and it really reminded me to always look upon God. Just because I am a student here does not mean that it is about being a student simpliciter; we are ambassadors of Christ wherever we go.

I will upload more pics once I get the chance to go around Bristol pressing the shutter - hopefully tomorrow. 

Fly Away

The new chapter has finally unfolded. After months of waiting, dreading and anticipating, I have arrived in UK in an attempt to complete my law degree. It is difficult to put a finger to how I really felt when I walked through the departure gate. Though wide awake, it felt like a blurry dream: unreal and torn between excitement and reluctance. Everything happened so fast and sudden- goodbyes, photographs and disappearance.  

 

Apart from a flight delay and children singing ABC in the wrong sequence enthusiastically behind me while I attempted to sleep, I was glad to touch down in Heathrow after a 13hours flight. The weather was great: sunny and cool; and the blue sky greeting me was a welcoming sight for a tired and jetlagged person.

After waiting for 2 hours or so, my coach to Bristol arrived. Thank God my school mate and I managed to get onto the coach. We had waited in another area and was slow in getting to the coach. As a result, the coach was rather full by the time we reached and the bus driver said that we couldn't get on anymore. However, he changed his mind in the end-spared us from waiting for another hour. The view along the way from Heathrow to Bristol was fantastic! It was my first time seeing the vast fields with sheeps/horses in them against the setting of a blue sky. How beautiful! The contrast in the colours was outstanding and very pretty. Too bad I wasn't sitting beside the window and I was really really really tired - ended sleeping for most of the two hour bus ride.

My accommodation in the Hall was much better than expected. I remember telling some that I was placed in the main building where more parties occur and I was further placed along the ground floor - I had expected a great deal of noise God had sent someone to remind me that all things work together for good - Romans 8:28 (to you, thank you very much for the exhortation and assurance). So while I didn't expect anything, I trusted in God that He has His purpose for all the arrangement. My room turned out to be really nice. It's spacious and has a wardrobe that is too large for me; it's right at a corner of the hall where it's quiet and I even have a view of the sunrise. 

My hall warden had a talk with me and I found out that he had actually given due consideration to my 'about me' description in the accommodation application. He told me that he had a difficult time in deciding where to put me...and I am really grateful for his efforts. We had a long talk about many things: God, bible, music, fishing, photography, life, chinese literature...etc. One thing he asked me was this: 'what's the greatest gift that God has given to us in this life?' While I gave thought for an answer, he said it's time - we must be good steward of our time. It was really something very applicable to me...what am I to do with the time that I have here? Anyway, my hall warden is really knowledgeable and well read - even in that 40mins of conversation with him, I already felt as though there's a great gulf between our knowledge: both in terms of the natural and even the spiritual. 

School will probably be quite hectic once it starts proper. I've already got the introductory handbooks to some modules and I probably am going to be nerding a great deal. 

I guess that's all to update for now. As you can see, this post is really all over the place...I'm still kinda jetlagged and i get tired at 9pm here...fall alseep at 10pm only to wake up at 4am. Signing off...

Slow Down...

Time is slipping by.
It leaves, faster than ever.
There is no stopping,
The clock continues ticking.
I am left behind
Departure is drawing nigh.

Thought Provoking

When you are joyful, be joyful; when you are sad, be sad. If God has given you a sweet cup, don’t make it bitter; and if He has given you a bitter cup, don’t try and make it sweet; take things as they come.  Shade of His Hand, Oswald Chambers


Hmm...something that left me pondering. 

No Shadow of Turning in Thee

I thank thee Lord, for there is no shadow of turning in thee. Thou art the same, yesterday, today and forever.

Help me O Lord, that I may not become one who looks at the natural circumstances.

Let me not find value in what I can or have achieved, but to live and walk by faith.

Grant me the power to live and move and have my being in Thee.

With the same power thou hast to bring forth the morning sun and to set it in the evening, I pray that thou keep me from falling.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Today is the Fifteenth day of September Twenty-Eleven; sixteen more days before I depart from this little island. I am glad to see the sunset today - I love sunset and sunrise because they are always unique and beautiful in their own way; it's just as how God is the same and He is always there, but He shows a different aspect of Himself to us in different circumstances in life.

Anyway, it is an irony how I had looked forward to this next phase of life just a few months ago but now that I am really leaving, it is hard to keep up with reality. I have been rather tardy with packing and preparing all the essentials but I believe this will change as departure draws nigh. Despite some outstanding matters on my To-Do list, the growing feeling to reflect and pen down (settle) some thoughts has become imperative.

It is totally absurd- such deplorable feelings nagging at the edge of my mind when the incidents relating to them are foregone. What makes it even queerer is how they have already been dealt with - having surrendered to God and persuaded of His decisions, but now they are back to haunt.

Self-esteem is not needed in our lives: probably a sweeping statement but one which I stand by. Since we are not judged by how we see ourselves but how God sees us, self-esteem is something that is unnecessary. When one has high self-esteem, it comes from pride of life; when one has low self-esteem, it comes from not trusting in God. I don't see how you can find a middle ground with esteem, but let me know if you can. What I need is to have no esteem of myself at all: because the truth is that I am nothing and I can only find my worth in what God sees. Notwithstanding this, I am finding myself in a situation of having to deal with this problem of self-esteem.

Now, to bring myself to remembrance of what's important and what's not, I shall deal with these wretched thoughts and feelings and rid them.

Studying hard and getting good grades in polytechnic was useless since I couldn't get into local law school. I am a local law school reject and hence I have to go overseas to further my studies in law. My school is ranked lower than NUS' law school. I couldn't get any scholarship and was a fool for not doing more research to apply for more scholarships. What an embarrassment to rely on my parents to fund my studies. Sounds very much like a loser.Going to Bristol is a bad choice because I could have gone to lower tier Uni that offered me scholarships. It is also harder to get first class or second upper in Bristol - my job prospects will not be as good as my peers who went to other lower tier Uni and graduate with a first class.I am not good with anything. Can't write well, can't speak well (to think that I am to be a lawyer in future?!) can't play violin well and can't play sports well either. I excel in nothing.

Blimey, what a bunch of annoying thoughts and feelings which I want no part in. Now you thoughts and feelings can get behind me since I am not interested in what such futility will bring to pass; bear this in mind:

My life is not in my hands and neither are my steps directed by me. God's ways and thoughts are higher than mine. He knows where to place me and He will bring that to pass. He is my provider and He wants me to learn to humble myself and to look to Him. I am nothing but His grace is sufficient. He is my wisdom and He is my guide. God has already prepared a place for me and He will bring me to it. God is all and in all. God is faithful and there is no shadow of turning in Him.

Silly thoughts and feelings, I need you not and I want you not - begone

Forgive me such ramblings, but I wanted a space to set straight my mind throughwriting and not leave room for unnecessary thoughts to dwell therein. I just received more letters from the UK bank. Time to get back to what is necessary. Thank you for your patience in reading this.

Pouring Out the Water of Satisfaction

Something really worth pondering. Posting this so that I may always bring it to remembrance.
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My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers

He would not drink it, but poured it out to the Lord —2 Samuel 23:16

What has been like “water from the well of Bethlehem” to you recently— love, friendship, or maybe some spiritual blessing ( 2 Samuel 23:16 )? Have you taken whatever it may be, even at the risk of damaging your own soul, simply to satisfy yourself? If you have, then you cannot pour it out “to the Lord.” You can never set apart for God something that you desire for yourself to achieve your own satisfaction. If you try to satisfy yourself with a blessing from God, it will corrupt you. You must sacrifice it, pouring it out to God— something that your common sense says is an absurd waste.

How can I pour out “to the Lord” natural love and spiritual blessings? There is only one way— I must make a determination in my mind to do so. There are certain things other people do that could never be received by someone who does not know God, because it is humanly impossible to repay them. As soon as I realize that something is too wonderful for me, that I am not worthy to receive it, and that it is not meant for a human being at all, I must pour it out “to the Lord.” Then these very things that have come to me will be poured out as “rivers of living water” all around me (John 7:38). And until I pour these things out to God, they actually endanger those I love, as well as myself, because they will be turned into lust. Yes, we can be lustful in things that are not sordid and vile. Even love must be transformed by being poured out “to the Lord.”

If you have become bitter and sour, it is because when God gave you a blessing you hoarded it. Yet if you had poured it out to Him, you would have been the sweetest person on earth. If you are always keeping blessings to yourself and never learning to pour out anything “to the Lord,” other people will never have their vision of God expanded through you.

Heart of My Own Heart

While fumbling with some piano keys this morning, I was moved to play the hymn 'Be Thou Vision'. Love the song very much. Here are some of my favourite lines from it:

'Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.'

A cry from my heart this morning.

Destiny of Holiness

Recently I realised that Facebook has this interesting feature of what I wrote on my profile status a year ago. I was intrigued by the content of what I posted on this date a year ago and I found it to be a refreshing reminder.

Here's the source of whatever I posted:
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My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers 

'Be ye holy; for I am holy' 1 Peter 1:16

Continually restate to yourself what the purpose of your life is. The destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness. Nowadays we have far too many affinities, we are dissipated with them; right, good, noble affinities which will yet have their fulfilment, but in the meantime God has to atrophy them. The one thing that matters is whether a man will accept the God Who will make him holy. At all costs a man must be rightly related to God...

God has one destined end for mankind, viz., holiness. His one aim is the production of saints. God is not an eternal blessing-machine for men; He did not come to save men out of pity: He came to save men because He had created them to be holy. The Atonement means that God can put me back into perfect union with Himself, without a shadow between, through the Death of Jesus Christ.

Never tolerate through sympathy with yourself or with others any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God. Holiness means unsullied walking with the feet, unsullied talking with the tongue, unsullied thinking with the mind - every detail of the life under the scrutiny of God. Holiness is not only what God gives me, but what I manifest that God has given me.
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Feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

No Turning Away

I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart...

I have inclined mine heart to perform thy statutes alway, even unto the end...

Psalm 40 & 119

Oh thou rugged cross, come live in my heart,

And lead me to death everyday.

Miserere mei, Deus

Psalm 51

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 

Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. 

Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. 

Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. 

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: 

and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. 

 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 

Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. 

Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  

Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. 

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. 

Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. 

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: 

and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. 

O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. 

For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: 
a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. 

Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem. 

Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar. 

I really enjoy the contemplative, sombre and humble mood of the song - plus it's one of my favourite chapter of Psalms. According to Wikipedia, this song 'was composed during 1630s for use in the Sistine Chapel during matins, as part of the exclusive Tenebrae service on Wednesday and Friday of Holy Week. The service would start usually around 3AM, and during the ritual, candles would be extinguished, one by one, until one remained alight and hidden.' 

Whenever I listen to the sacred music of old, I would really wish that I could understand Latin to fully appreciate the beauty of these pieces. It's a pity I did not discover the beauty of such music at an earlier age. If time and opportunity comes, I believe I will want to try learning the language.

A Plea

For thou hast delivered my soul from death, 

wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, 

that I may walk before God in the light of the living? 

Psalm 56:23

Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself:
It is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.

Teach me thy ways and bring my counsel to naught.
Not my will but thine be done.  

Surprises - Largo

When I decided to delete this blog during the middle of the year, I surprised myself by realising that I am so used to expressing myself through quotes, scripture verses and photos that I decided to continue this blog after pondering for a season (not to mention the encouragements from friends to do so too). I guess I do enjoy blogging in such fashion to a certain extent; by employing quotes and photos, I feel that I have the liberty to express what I want and at the same time, leaving sufficient room for the readers to form their own thoughts based on what they've seen/read. It also obviates the need for you to be bored from reading my verbose and boring posts with long droning sentences (like this post - be forewarned!). In short, I was surprised that I actually enjoyed blogging more than what I had thought. Life is full of surprises - no? Maybe.

Anyway, I had stopped practising violin for a long time. One reason was because I got fed up with my inadequate playing - I wasn't satisfied with playing a piece that only sounded like what it was meant to be. I wanted to play exactly what it was meant to be i.e. perfect intonation and full, warm tone with clean and precise bowing. It must be beautiful! Like this:



Try imagining imperfect double stops on Bach's Sonatas and Partitas for Solo Violin - imperfect octaves/thirds and a thin, dirty, jumpy bowing sound. Gross! In case you're wondering, yes, I've been practising those stuff and that's what they sound like when I play them :( It doesn't matter if they are off by a small or huge margin - it's either there or not. I felt that I was doing injustice to these pieces- it's like a bad painting of a beautiful scenery. So...I decided that listening to awesome recordings of these pieces was a way better idea. I probably didn't touched my violin for a couple of months. After watching Gabriel Ng's performance (particularly his encore piece of Bach's Sonata in C, Allegro Assai), I was almost convinced that I should stop playing altogether - and I continued my abstinence from playing the instrument.

2 weeks ago, I decided to listen to Yehudi Menuhin's recording of Schubert's Ave Maria and this simple piece somehow had a deep impact on me; as I continued listening to Kyung Wha Chung's recording of the same piece, I was really captivated by beauty of the piece and the piano's accompaniment. After listening to a few times, I was unable to resist the urge and took out my violin to play along with it as well (okay, I didn't play the octave double stops portion for the second part of the piece though). It felt good playing the violin again and I realised that I have somehow become more expressive in my playing too. This is probably good as my teacher used to scold me for being an 'emotionless creature'. Gee, I played a piece about a loving couple dancing (Liebesfreud translated as 'The Joy of Love') for my grade 8 exam. He told me I couldn't understand the emotions behind it (he is full well entitled to his opinion - though the irony was that I scored the highest for that piece among all my exam set pieces). Anyway, back to Ave Maria - it felt as though there was a release of expression (perhaps emotion?) and I could feel the music. And so, I was pleasantly surprised again. I actually enjoyed playing the violin more than what I had thought - maybe life does have surprises after all. The break could have been surprisingly useful too.

I remember that when I was 16 years old, I read in the news about a 15 year old prodigy who got into NUS' Yong Siew Toh Conservatory. In the interview, he said that each time he plays the violin, it's like a journey. Back then, I couldn't comprehend such a statement. I had the privilege of meeting him when I was in army. He was my platoon mate during BMT and we got to know each other since we were both unfit for training towards the end of BMT. Hearing him play the violin (yes, during BMT) was an eye (ear as well) opening experience - he is in a totally different league. It's like S League compared to EPL. However, I have somehow caught sight of what he meant. It's a challenge where you compete against yourself- you push yourself to the highest level of concentration to hit the correct intonation; to take cognisance of the bars you are weaker at and pay extra care when navigating through them; striving for excellence and perfection in the playing. At the end of the practise, there is a sense of achievement when you are able to play what you want to; it is an enjoyable and exciting process as well.

Hence, to the dismay and horror of my neighbours and family, I AM BACH(K) TO PLAY BACH

Introducing one of my favourite pieces from the Solo series - Largo: totally love the subtle and gentle nature of the song.

A picture is worth a thousand words - or so they say.

Just in case you were wondering why I enjoyed Tioman so much, here are some photos taken to show the beauty of God's creation there. 

Sunrise on the first evening from Paya Beach Resort. 

I love the sunrays and the crescent moon.

Corals from Renggis Island. 

This species of hard coral was abundant at the house reefs of my resort too.

'Away into the Deep'
Yellowtails from Marine Park. 

These fishes are those used to make fishballs - the texture of their meat is excellent.

Blue Spotted Stingray sighted at the Resort's House Reef.
I was told by my friend that such stingray is rarely sighted. Unfortunately, the ray swam away and another tourist kicked a cloud of sand and the stingray was unseen thereafter.

My snorkelling mask and fins with the beautiful sand waves seen throughout low tide.
Swimming around with the fins was a breeze. It also saved my feet many a times from nasty coral cuts.

Sunset on the second evening.
It was an interesting sight as the clouds partially blocked the sun, creating a divided lighting.

Customary shot of the resort and hills from the jetty before I departed.
I regretted sleeping through the raining morning instead of donning my mask and fins and braving the rain and slightly choppier waves to visit the corals for the last time before I leave. 

Cor Contritum et Humiliatum Deus non Dispicies

'A broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.'

Psalm 51:17

Behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow, which is done unto me

Remember, O LORD, what is come upon us: consider, and behold our reproach.

(English Translation from Lamentations 1:12, 5:1)

Island of Memories

After deliberating over a few months, I finally went to Tioman Island again last week.Tioman Island contains fond memories of my childhood and this was my fourth visit.

I really enjoyed my time at Tioman and wished that I could stay longer; I enjoyed the sun, the sea, the marine life, the starry sky...basically just being near nature (awed by God's creation). Pass me a snorkel mask and a pair of fins and I could probably just stay there for a week snorkeling everyday without getting bored (I could to with a book and camera too). Some interesting things that I saw were a pack of dolphin, black tip reef shark and blue spotted stingray. Apart from these interesting experiences, I also learnt that reading Charles Dickens 'Bleak House' on a bumpy ferry ride is a bad idea, and jellyfish's stings aren't fun.

Thank God for a safe journey, wonderful weather during my stay in Tioman, and time spent with my friend who was back for summer vacation.

Testibus

 

'Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us,

 and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;

who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame,

and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.'

Hebrews 12:1-2