No Turning Away

I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart...

I have inclined mine heart to perform thy statutes alway, even unto the end...

Psalm 40 & 119

Oh thou rugged cross, come live in my heart,

And lead me to death everyday.

Miserere mei, Deus

Psalm 51

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 

Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. 

Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. 

Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. 

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: 

and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. 

 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 

Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. 

Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  

Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. 

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. 

Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. 

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: 

and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. 

O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. 

For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: 
a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. 

Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem. 

Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar. 

I really enjoy the contemplative, sombre and humble mood of the song - plus it's one of my favourite chapter of Psalms. According to Wikipedia, this song 'was composed during 1630s for use in the Sistine Chapel during matins, as part of the exclusive Tenebrae service on Wednesday and Friday of Holy Week. The service would start usually around 3AM, and during the ritual, candles would be extinguished, one by one, until one remained alight and hidden.' 

Whenever I listen to the sacred music of old, I would really wish that I could understand Latin to fully appreciate the beauty of these pieces. It's a pity I did not discover the beauty of such music at an earlier age. If time and opportunity comes, I believe I will want to try learning the language.

A Plea

For thou hast delivered my soul from death, 

wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, 

that I may walk before God in the light of the living? 

Psalm 56:23

Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself:
It is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.

Teach me thy ways and bring my counsel to naught.
Not my will but thine be done.  

Surprises - Largo

When I decided to delete this blog during the middle of the year, I surprised myself by realising that I am so used to expressing myself through quotes, scripture verses and photos that I decided to continue this blog after pondering for a season (not to mention the encouragements from friends to do so too). I guess I do enjoy blogging in such fashion to a certain extent; by employing quotes and photos, I feel that I have the liberty to express what I want and at the same time, leaving sufficient room for the readers to form their own thoughts based on what they've seen/read. It also obviates the need for you to be bored from reading my verbose and boring posts with long droning sentences (like this post - be forewarned!). In short, I was surprised that I actually enjoyed blogging more than what I had thought. Life is full of surprises - no? Maybe.

Anyway, I had stopped practising violin for a long time. One reason was because I got fed up with my inadequate playing - I wasn't satisfied with playing a piece that only sounded like what it was meant to be. I wanted to play exactly what it was meant to be i.e. perfect intonation and full, warm tone with clean and precise bowing. It must be beautiful! Like this:



Try imagining imperfect double stops on Bach's Sonatas and Partitas for Solo Violin - imperfect octaves/thirds and a thin, dirty, jumpy bowing sound. Gross! In case you're wondering, yes, I've been practising those stuff and that's what they sound like when I play them :( It doesn't matter if they are off by a small or huge margin - it's either there or not. I felt that I was doing injustice to these pieces- it's like a bad painting of a beautiful scenery. So...I decided that listening to awesome recordings of these pieces was a way better idea. I probably didn't touched my violin for a couple of months. After watching Gabriel Ng's performance (particularly his encore piece of Bach's Sonata in C, Allegro Assai), I was almost convinced that I should stop playing altogether - and I continued my abstinence from playing the instrument.

2 weeks ago, I decided to listen to Yehudi Menuhin's recording of Schubert's Ave Maria and this simple piece somehow had a deep impact on me; as I continued listening to Kyung Wha Chung's recording of the same piece, I was really captivated by beauty of the piece and the piano's accompaniment. After listening to a few times, I was unable to resist the urge and took out my violin to play along with it as well (okay, I didn't play the octave double stops portion for the second part of the piece though). It felt good playing the violin again and I realised that I have somehow become more expressive in my playing too. This is probably good as my teacher used to scold me for being an 'emotionless creature'. Gee, I played a piece about a loving couple dancing (Liebesfreud translated as 'The Joy of Love') for my grade 8 exam. He told me I couldn't understand the emotions behind it (he is full well entitled to his opinion - though the irony was that I scored the highest for that piece among all my exam set pieces). Anyway, back to Ave Maria - it felt as though there was a release of expression (perhaps emotion?) and I could feel the music. And so, I was pleasantly surprised again. I actually enjoyed playing the violin more than what I had thought - maybe life does have surprises after all. The break could have been surprisingly useful too.

I remember that when I was 16 years old, I read in the news about a 15 year old prodigy who got into NUS' Yong Siew Toh Conservatory. In the interview, he said that each time he plays the violin, it's like a journey. Back then, I couldn't comprehend such a statement. I had the privilege of meeting him when I was in army. He was my platoon mate during BMT and we got to know each other since we were both unfit for training towards the end of BMT. Hearing him play the violin (yes, during BMT) was an eye (ear as well) opening experience - he is in a totally different league. It's like S League compared to EPL. However, I have somehow caught sight of what he meant. It's a challenge where you compete against yourself- you push yourself to the highest level of concentration to hit the correct intonation; to take cognisance of the bars you are weaker at and pay extra care when navigating through them; striving for excellence and perfection in the playing. At the end of the practise, there is a sense of achievement when you are able to play what you want to; it is an enjoyable and exciting process as well.

Hence, to the dismay and horror of my neighbours and family, I AM BACH(K) TO PLAY BACH

Introducing one of my favourite pieces from the Solo series - Largo: totally love the subtle and gentle nature of the song.

A picture is worth a thousand words - or so they say.

Just in case you were wondering why I enjoyed Tioman so much, here are some photos taken to show the beauty of God's creation there. 

Sunrise on the first evening from Paya Beach Resort. 

I love the sunrays and the crescent moon.

Corals from Renggis Island. 

This species of hard coral was abundant at the house reefs of my resort too.

'Away into the Deep'
Yellowtails from Marine Park. 

These fishes are those used to make fishballs - the texture of their meat is excellent.

Blue Spotted Stingray sighted at the Resort's House Reef.
I was told by my friend that such stingray is rarely sighted. Unfortunately, the ray swam away and another tourist kicked a cloud of sand and the stingray was unseen thereafter.

My snorkelling mask and fins with the beautiful sand waves seen throughout low tide.
Swimming around with the fins was a breeze. It also saved my feet many a times from nasty coral cuts.

Sunset on the second evening.
It was an interesting sight as the clouds partially blocked the sun, creating a divided lighting.

Customary shot of the resort and hills from the jetty before I departed.
I regretted sleeping through the raining morning instead of donning my mask and fins and braving the rain and slightly choppier waves to visit the corals for the last time before I leave. 

Cor Contritum et Humiliatum Deus non Dispicies

'A broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.'

Psalm 51:17

Behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow, which is done unto me

Remember, O LORD, what is come upon us: consider, and behold our reproach.

(English Translation from Lamentations 1:12, 5:1)

Island of Memories

After deliberating over a few months, I finally went to Tioman Island again last week.Tioman Island contains fond memories of my childhood and this was my fourth visit.

I really enjoyed my time at Tioman and wished that I could stay longer; I enjoyed the sun, the sea, the marine life, the starry sky...basically just being near nature (awed by God's creation). Pass me a snorkel mask and a pair of fins and I could probably just stay there for a week snorkeling everyday without getting bored (I could to with a book and camera too). Some interesting things that I saw were a pack of dolphin, black tip reef shark and blue spotted stingray. Apart from these interesting experiences, I also learnt that reading Charles Dickens 'Bleak House' on a bumpy ferry ride is a bad idea, and jellyfish's stings aren't fun.

Thank God for a safe journey, wonderful weather during my stay in Tioman, and time spent with my friend who was back for summer vacation.

Testibus

 

'Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us,

 and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;

who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame,

and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.'

Hebrews 12:1-2