The sins of the fathers

To the child (one of the many):

I saw you a year ago. You were with your family, and you were a happy little toddler. I knew your name and even your birthday before I met you.  Unfortunately, I met you in a court room, and I was assisting a party in the case involving you. I was glad for you that you knew nothing of what transpired then.  I hope you still remain as happy as you were till this day.

Yours was a case that made me upset in many ways. It left me with many late nights in the law office drafting documents which I hope you will never ever read in your life. It even made me hate the practice of law when I became part of an arsenal of sharpened instruments to inflict as much discomfort to your parent. I cringed when I saw you  - the pangs of guilt, perhaps even shame running somewhere in me. That courtroom was not a place that you should have been there. 

I am working on your case  past midnight again. Tonight, just like many nights ago, is only the starting of the many to come - I hope I am proven wrong on this. Again, it is about you but you are not there. It is difficult to draft the court documents. The seemingly cold, objective legal terms have become a name for reifying the desires and interests of all the parties except yours. Your interest (being the paramount consideration) is tossed around in name by everyone, when in reality it is really for advancing their own interest. 

The biblical concept of the “sin of the fathers” is not unreal - because children will experience and eat of the fruits of the wrongdoings of a previous generation. And often, the toxins from the fruits of the poison tree will run to the next generation. 

I wondered what it will be like if I meet you years down the road. I prayed that in spite of all that has happened, that somehow, you will be preserved from the wickedness around; that justice will eventually prevail. And this is my hope: 

“that both of His hands are equally skilled, at ruining evil; equally skilled at judging the judges and administering justice; equally skilled at showing mercy and loving the loveless. Equally skilled, administering justice - both of His hands” - Jon Foreman

Future, hindsight and faith.

A passage penned many months back. It ended abruptly as my pen ran out of ink. I didn't continue writing. It was left in a notebook till I came across it again a few days ago.   

Hindsight is an enigma. So is the future. We know nothing of the future until its passing. In its passing, future brings about more uncertainties. Hindsight thus possess this similar characteristic as the future: one only possesses it after the passing of certain time and event. While bringing the possibility of clarity and realisation (whether illusory or real) of what has happened in the past - vis-a-vis the understanding that one's past has culminated in the present (and by extension, the future) - hindsight offers little insight - certainly nothing of the future. 

However, hindsight is, to some extent, related to our human desires for second chances in life; chances to start anew, to address past mistakes, to redeem our failures. Nonetheless, even in the search for second chances - there is no certainty that we can make good this time round. Paradoxically, whilst we look for that second chance in the form of a life changing opportunity / occurrence, each day presents a new chance for that change. Yet, in the midst of searching for that significant second chance, we lose sight of the significance of the opportunities that each day may present. 

Even with the benefit of hindsight to attempt on shedding light to the labyrinth of life, the mysteries in life continue enshrouding us. What? How? When? Where? Our human struggles over the concept of future - be it in thoughts or experience bring about a sharp contention with the concept of faith. I have encountered people who have quoted Karl Marx statement to me: religion is the opium for the masses i.e. a psychological crutch. Yet, I reckon that faith, instead of a crutch, is actually a mountain to scale. It is a much easier option to rely and resort to our human capacity of thoughts and senses (whatever available in this physical realm) as a solution to our struggles in the face of the enigmatic future and futile hindsight (where the symphony of failures and futility rehearse repeatedly). To trust that "He makes all things beautiful in His time" is of scant relief in the absence of faith.  

With the benefit of hindsight, here is something that has been on my mind again lately.

The bridges are torn down, and the followers simply move ahead. They are called away and are supposed to "step out" of their previous existence, they are supposed to "exist" in the strict sense of the word. The disciple is thrown out of the relative security of life into complete insecurity (which in truth is absolutely security and protection in community with Jesus): out of the foreseeable and calculable realm (which in truth is unreliable) into the completely unforeseeable, coincidental realm (which in truth is the only necessary and reliable one); out of the realm of limited possibilities *which in truth is that of unlimited possibilities) into the realm of unlimited possibilities (which in truth is the only liberating reality). Discipleship, Bonhoeffer.