Slow Down...

Time is slipping by.
It leaves, faster than ever.
There is no stopping,
The clock continues ticking.
I am left behind
Departure is drawing nigh.

Thought Provoking

When you are joyful, be joyful; when you are sad, be sad. If God has given you a sweet cup, don’t make it bitter; and if He has given you a bitter cup, don’t try and make it sweet; take things as they come.  Shade of His Hand, Oswald Chambers


Hmm...something that left me pondering. 

No Shadow of Turning in Thee

I thank thee Lord, for there is no shadow of turning in thee. Thou art the same, yesterday, today and forever.

Help me O Lord, that I may not become one who looks at the natural circumstances.

Let me not find value in what I can or have achieved, but to live and walk by faith.

Grant me the power to live and move and have my being in Thee.

With the same power thou hast to bring forth the morning sun and to set it in the evening, I pray that thou keep me from falling.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Today is the Fifteenth day of September Twenty-Eleven; sixteen more days before I depart from this little island. I am glad to see the sunset today - I love sunset and sunrise because they are always unique and beautiful in their own way; it's just as how God is the same and He is always there, but He shows a different aspect of Himself to us in different circumstances in life.

Anyway, it is an irony how I had looked forward to this next phase of life just a few months ago but now that I am really leaving, it is hard to keep up with reality. I have been rather tardy with packing and preparing all the essentials but I believe this will change as departure draws nigh. Despite some outstanding matters on my To-Do list, the growing feeling to reflect and pen down (settle) some thoughts has become imperative.

It is totally absurd- such deplorable feelings nagging at the edge of my mind when the incidents relating to them are foregone. What makes it even queerer is how they have already been dealt with - having surrendered to God and persuaded of His decisions, but now they are back to haunt.

Self-esteem is not needed in our lives: probably a sweeping statement but one which I stand by. Since we are not judged by how we see ourselves but how God sees us, self-esteem is something that is unnecessary. When one has high self-esteem, it comes from pride of life; when one has low self-esteem, it comes from not trusting in God. I don't see how you can find a middle ground with esteem, but let me know if you can. What I need is to have no esteem of myself at all: because the truth is that I am nothing and I can only find my worth in what God sees. Notwithstanding this, I am finding myself in a situation of having to deal with this problem of self-esteem.

Now, to bring myself to remembrance of what's important and what's not, I shall deal with these wretched thoughts and feelings and rid them.

Studying hard and getting good grades in polytechnic was useless since I couldn't get into local law school. I am a local law school reject and hence I have to go overseas to further my studies in law. My school is ranked lower than NUS' law school. I couldn't get any scholarship and was a fool for not doing more research to apply for more scholarships. What an embarrassment to rely on my parents to fund my studies. Sounds very much like a loser.Going to Bristol is a bad choice because I could have gone to lower tier Uni that offered me scholarships. It is also harder to get first class or second upper in Bristol - my job prospects will not be as good as my peers who went to other lower tier Uni and graduate with a first class.I am not good with anything. Can't write well, can't speak well (to think that I am to be a lawyer in future?!) can't play violin well and can't play sports well either. I excel in nothing.

Blimey, what a bunch of annoying thoughts and feelings which I want no part in. Now you thoughts and feelings can get behind me since I am not interested in what such futility will bring to pass; bear this in mind:

My life is not in my hands and neither are my steps directed by me. God's ways and thoughts are higher than mine. He knows where to place me and He will bring that to pass. He is my provider and He wants me to learn to humble myself and to look to Him. I am nothing but His grace is sufficient. He is my wisdom and He is my guide. God has already prepared a place for me and He will bring me to it. God is all and in all. God is faithful and there is no shadow of turning in Him.

Silly thoughts and feelings, I need you not and I want you not - begone

Forgive me such ramblings, but I wanted a space to set straight my mind throughwriting and not leave room for unnecessary thoughts to dwell therein. I just received more letters from the UK bank. Time to get back to what is necessary. Thank you for your patience in reading this.

Pouring Out the Water of Satisfaction

Something really worth pondering. Posting this so that I may always bring it to remembrance.
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My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers

He would not drink it, but poured it out to the Lord —2 Samuel 23:16

What has been like “water from the well of Bethlehem” to you recently— love, friendship, or maybe some spiritual blessing ( 2 Samuel 23:16 )? Have you taken whatever it may be, even at the risk of damaging your own soul, simply to satisfy yourself? If you have, then you cannot pour it out “to the Lord.” You can never set apart for God something that you desire for yourself to achieve your own satisfaction. If you try to satisfy yourself with a blessing from God, it will corrupt you. You must sacrifice it, pouring it out to God— something that your common sense says is an absurd waste.

How can I pour out “to the Lord” natural love and spiritual blessings? There is only one way— I must make a determination in my mind to do so. There are certain things other people do that could never be received by someone who does not know God, because it is humanly impossible to repay them. As soon as I realize that something is too wonderful for me, that I am not worthy to receive it, and that it is not meant for a human being at all, I must pour it out “to the Lord.” Then these very things that have come to me will be poured out as “rivers of living water” all around me (John 7:38). And until I pour these things out to God, they actually endanger those I love, as well as myself, because they will be turned into lust. Yes, we can be lustful in things that are not sordid and vile. Even love must be transformed by being poured out “to the Lord.”

If you have become bitter and sour, it is because when God gave you a blessing you hoarded it. Yet if you had poured it out to Him, you would have been the sweetest person on earth. If you are always keeping blessings to yourself and never learning to pour out anything “to the Lord,” other people will never have their vision of God expanded through you.

Heart of My Own Heart

While fumbling with some piano keys this morning, I was moved to play the hymn 'Be Thou Vision'. Love the song very much. Here are some of my favourite lines from it:

'Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.'

A cry from my heart this morning.

Destiny of Holiness

Recently I realised that Facebook has this interesting feature of what I wrote on my profile status a year ago. I was intrigued by the content of what I posted on this date a year ago and I found it to be a refreshing reminder.

Here's the source of whatever I posted:
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My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers 

'Be ye holy; for I am holy' 1 Peter 1:16

Continually restate to yourself what the purpose of your life is. The destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness. Nowadays we have far too many affinities, we are dissipated with them; right, good, noble affinities which will yet have their fulfilment, but in the meantime God has to atrophy them. The one thing that matters is whether a man will accept the God Who will make him holy. At all costs a man must be rightly related to God...

God has one destined end for mankind, viz., holiness. His one aim is the production of saints. God is not an eternal blessing-machine for men; He did not come to save men out of pity: He came to save men because He had created them to be holy. The Atonement means that God can put me back into perfect union with Himself, without a shadow between, through the Death of Jesus Christ.

Never tolerate through sympathy with yourself or with others any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God. Holiness means unsullied walking with the feet, unsullied talking with the tongue, unsullied thinking with the mind - every detail of the life under the scrutiny of God. Holiness is not only what God gives me, but what I manifest that God has given me.
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Feeling somewhat overwhelmed.