12/12/12

Another construct of time and existence. 

But it is always through the appreciation of ordinary things that we find the mundane unique. 

晏殊《浣溪沙》

一曲新词酒一杯， 

去年天气旧亭台。 

夕阳西下几时回？ 

无可奈何花落去， 

似曾相识燕归来。 

小园香径独徘徊。 

Trust

"The one great crime on [our part], is worry. Whenever we begin to calculate without God, we commit sin.

It is very easy to trust in God when there is no difficulty, but that is not trust at all, it is simply letting the mind rest in a complacement mood; but when there is trouble, there is death, where is our trust in God? The clearest evidence that God's grace is at work in our heart is that we do not get into panics."

Christian Disciplines, Oswald Chambers

Redefining Marriage? No.

"Marriage is not to be reduced to being only for "sexually-intimate companionship" disconnected from its biological and societal functions". The following extract is a newspaper article on what one of my law professor, Julian Rivers, has written in response to the proposal of the UK Government to allow same sex marriage. The original article can be found here. 

“Changing the legal definition of marriage will likewise reflect and support a different view of what marriage is and what it is for.”
According to Rivers, any such change will confirm and bolster the already dangerous trends of “excessive individualism of modern Western society, as well as the collapse of participation in all forms of social action.” It will “reduce” marriage to being only for “sexually-intimate companionship,” disconnecting the institution from its biological and societal functions.
It will also create a social threat to the wellbeing of children, Rivers said. Referring to the UN’s Convention on the Rights of the Child, he said, “Every child has a moral claim on her natural father and mother, grounded in the fact that they brought her into being and that it is in principle good for every child to be brought up by her natural parents committed in relationship to each other and to her.”“Breaking the intrinsic connections between marriage, childbearing and kinship risks the further commodification of children, in which children become ‘ultimate accessories’ – means to the ends of their parents, and ultimately subject to their agendas, rather than persons of equal worth, with an equal stake in the success of the marriage.”
The notion that natural marriage “discriminates” based on sexual orientation is the basis of the argument for same-sex “marriage,” Rivers said. But the real question is whether this discrimination is unjust. Rivers argues that far from traditional marriage being unjust, it “secures the equal value of men and women,” and “promotes the welfare of children.” Civil partnerships already grant other types of unions full legal security.
“Any law which sets criteria for anything discriminates,” he wrote. While it is right to prohibit distinctions based on sex, race, religion or age in political life, business or employment, “sometimes it is right to draw distinctions even on these grounds.” He gave the example of the law that prohibits children under 16 from marrying.
The government’s proposals have failed “to distinguish rationally between relationships and arrangements which are and are not to be treated as marriage in law.”
Moreover, redefining marriage to create a new “gender-blind” institution will threaten the legitimate social advances made by women over the last 100 years.
“Marriage as currently defined is the central social institution which expresses the idea that men and women are equally valuable as men and women. It is only marriage which harnesses gender difference to the purposes of social cooperation.
“Almost all other ways in which difference is acknowledged – from sports teams to public lavatories – depend on segregation. Sexual union in marriage reinforces a comprehensive ‘together-in-otherness’ of male and female.”
Rivers said that the arguments against same-sex “marriage” coming from religious convictions are legitimate and need to be heard – particularly in a country where the great majority identify themselves as Christian – but are not the only arguments worth making. The government’s proposal, he wrote, fails to address “the fundamental question of what a marriage is, and thus it fails to identify and defend the boundaries of any new definition”.
“At root,” he said, the meaning of marriage is socially, not legally defined. It is not the law that makes marriage what it is, but the law that follows the “socially-given expectations”. Marriage itself, in other words, is the underlying, objective reality with the law merely following that template. 

Source: http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/redefine-marriage-threaten-social-advances-of-women-rights-of-children-uk-l

Interwoven

Past reflection amidst present thoughts:

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to London for a training conference organised by Innocent Network UK. Given the duration of travel by coach, the journey served as a break whilst I listened to Arvo Part’s album Da Pacem, watched the sceneries and gave thought on what has happened since my return to Bristol.

Time has passed by at a terribly frightening pace and I have found myself constantly trying to keep up with what is going on at school. Some modules have been very difficult for me; I actually gave up on the reading materials because I could make no sense out of them. The idea of ‘free time’ has become obsolete as most of us start realising that we have so many things to attend to that we have to learn how to make time for things instead. A constant challenge is to not lose sight of what is fundamental and important in life.

I love how Oswald Chamber (O.C.) wrote about Paul having a strong steady spiritual coherence in his internal being – he could let his external life change as it liked and it did not distress him because he was rooted and grounded in God. This is in contrast to us, who are often being in coherent because of the amount of unrelated emotion and phases of external things we have in us: a mixture. Paul’s consistency was down in the fundamentals. I suppose this encapsulates what I have been learning since returning.

Amidst the current state of affairs, I have been constantly confronted with the theme of waiting and resting upon Him – “in returning and rest… in quietness and confidence… labouring to rest in Him”, as opposed to tending to the many things that cry for my attention and demand my ‘required effort and input to make it work’. In the case of being a law student in the penultimate year, this defies common sense as it is probably the norm to start worrying and thinking about my training contract. 

Perhaps in one sense, it really is about what O.C. has written: learning to be grounded and rooted in Him through the seasons of waiting, resting and surrendering; not just in relation to school and career but also in all matters of life. I suppose it is about seeing Him governing and scrutinising over every minute detail in my life even in the routine and mundane schedule. On the other hand, it feels like an adventure as I move forward towards uncertainties (at least to the human understanding)- stepping out yet ‘not knowing whither’. It feels like a challenge to have that reckless faith and trust in defiance of logic.

My thoughts were interrupted as a bird flew into the path of the coach travelling down the motorway – the sound of something being smashed and a mangled mess of feathers flew pass my window.

 “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” Matt 10:29-31

Mess

I am my own affliction.

Trust and Betrayal

Purity and Corruption 

"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." Proverbs 15:17

Why Bother Praying?

“Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him” Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace...When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason— God uses these times to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you. - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

Of mote and beam

Luke 6:40-41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own. Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.

This passage has stayed with me since the Friday before the last. I still can remember the phrase clearly in my ears, 'always remember that when you can see the mote in someone else's eyes, there is a beam in your own'. Clearly, this is not to mean that we are being ignorant and accommodating of what is wrong; but before I become quick to judge, I clearly need to examine myself. People are placed around us so that we can see ourselves as we truly are: 'Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.'

I was reading a passage written by Oswald Chambers and he puts it across so beautifully: "Many of the things in life that inflict the greatest injury, grief, or pain, stem from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts, seeing each other as we really are; we are only true to our misconceived ideas of one another. According to our thinking, everything is either delightful and good, or it is evil, malicious, and cowardly."

Left hanging

Chasing a dream, or what I thought it was

Prague Castle and Charles Bridge

Prague has always been a place that I'd wanted to visit since I was young. Having read up on its beauty with all the Bohemia architectures, it was one of the places, along with Iceland, that I told myself to visit while studying in the UK. This summer I had the opportunity to visit the place with some of my housemates-to-be. A dream come true? Perhaps. Maybe not.

Sometimes, we chase after dreams not knowing that what we are seeking is not reality but merely a erroneous perception. I guess my visit to Prague was pretty much like this. Prague is without a doubt, a really beautiful place. But I felt that so much of it has been commercialised; I was greeted with hordes of tourists and touristy gimmicks. If you are looking for a quiet escape, I really don't think it's the place to visit. But if you don't mind the army of tourists, it still is a nice place to go to, especially if you love those Gothic buildings.

On a side note, I suppose it is good to really know what we are striving for in life. What a shame if what we work towards is nothing like what we'd thought in reality. But then again, few things in life are ever certain.

A $28 Tragedy

The beauty of sandy beach with crystal clear water teeming with marine life made me head back to Tioman for the past few days. The last time I went there, I used my dslr with a dicapac underwater casing for my snorkelling trips but it was not to my liking so I decided to try something else this time. Somehow I ended up with a $28 film camera with underwater casing. All I can say is that it was a tragedy with leakage on the first trip and the underwater casing becoming totally useless once I got back to shore. I can only hope that the shots that I'd taken prior to that could be salvaged and the same goes for the land shots. It is rather sad when you somewhat know that there is a high possibility that the photos developed will be quite bad even before you do it! Nonetheless, it was a good experience shooting with film. Tioman again? Why not!

In Remembrance of Iceland

Being in Iceland was such an inspiring and profound experience. I miss its vast landscape and the sense of awe that stayed with me as my eyes feasted on the beauty of it all: geysers, waterfall, volcanoes, lava fields and glaciers etc. Arvo Part's composition of My Heart is in the Highlands probably captures the mood as one looks back at the memory of the place. There is so much to be discovered of the place and I will most probably be back again. In remembrance of Iceland, I have uploaded a (really) few photos that I took while I was there. You can view them here.

Sölheimajökull Glacier

A free man

"We are not fundamentally free; external circumstances are not in our hands, they are in God’s hands, the one thing in which we are free is in our personal relationship to God. We are not responsible for the circumstances we are in, but we are responsible for the way we allow those circumstances to affect us; we can either allow them to get on top of us, or we can allow them to transform us into what God wants us to be."  Conformed to His Image, Oswald Chambers

Litany

This is an English translation of St. John Chrysostum's 24 prayers that Arvo Part used for his composition - something that I had only discovered recently and am enjoying listening to: Litany

O Lord, of Thy heavenly bounties deprive me not.

O Lord, deliver me from the eternal torments.

O Lord, forgive me if I have sinned in my mind or my thought, whether in word or in deed.

O Lord, free me from all ignorance and forgetfulness, from despondency and stony insensibility.

O Lord, deliver me from every temptation.

O Lord, enlighten my heart which evil desires have darkened.

O Lord, as a man I have sinned, have though mercy on me, as the God full of compasion, seeing the feebleness of my soul.

O Lord, send down Thy grace to help me, that I may glorify Thy name.

O Lord Jesus Christ, write me down in the book of life and grant unto me a good end.

O Lord my God, even if I had not done anything good before Thee, do Thou help me, in Thy grace, to make a good beginning.

O Lord, sprinkle into my heart the dew of Thy grace.

O Lord of heaven and earth, remember me, Thy sinful servant, full of shame and imurity, in Thy kingdom. Amen

O Lord, receive me in my penitence.

O Lord, forsake me not.

O Lord, lead me not into misfortune.

O Lord, quicken in me a good thought.

O Lord, give me tears and remembrance of death, and contrition.

O Lord, make me solicitous of confessing my sins.

O Lord, give me humility, chastity and obedience.

O Lord, give me patience, magnanimity and meekness.

O Lord, implant in me the root of all good - Thy fear in my heart.

O Lord, vouch safe that I may love Thee from all my soul and mind and in everything do Thy will.

O Lord, shelter me from certain men, from demons and passions, and from any other unbecoming thing.

O Lord, Thou knowest that Thou dost as Thy willest, let then Thy will be done in me, sinner, for blessed art Thou unto the ages. Amen.

Familiarity

A familiar pathway and sight

I got back to the tiny sunny (scorching) island a few days back and have surprisingly adjusted back to the environment fairly quickly. It was not too long ago when I was talking with my friends about how we will face trouble getting used to the heat, the crowd, and the mannerism of the people here. It seems that having  lived on this soil for more than two decades made the transition easier than expected. Hopefully I will be able to make good use of the time I have during this summer break in this concrete jungle.

On a side note, the passing of time and season amidst the familiar sights have brought to remembrance this particular passage that I studied many years back by 晏殊 titled 《浣溪沙》：
一曲新词酒一杯，去年天气旧亭台，夕阳西下几时回？ 无可奈何花落去，似曾相识燕归来，小园香径独徘徊。

Visions become Reality

"We always have a vision of something before it actually becomes real to us. When we realize that the vision is real, but is not yet real in us, Satan comes to us with his temptations, and we are inclined to say that there is no point in even trying to continue. Instead of the vision becoming real to us, we have entered into a valley of humiliation.

Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And heated hot with burning fears,
And dipt in baths of hissing tears,
And battered by the shocks of doom,
To shape and use.
Arise and fly.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint. Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience. Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has! He is never in a hurry. Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry. While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor’s hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.

The vision that God gives is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be down here. Allow the Potter to put you on His wheel and whirl you around as He desires. Then as surely as God is God, and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision. But don’t lose heart in the process. If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

All things new

The Lord bringeth life out of death,

and fruitfulness from barrenness.

He appoints unto them that mourn in Zion,

to give unto them beauty for ashes,

the oil of joy for mourning,

the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;

that they might be called trees of righteousness,

the planting of the LORD,

that he might be glorified.

Of Trust and Man

"Our Lord trusted no man; yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, never in despair about any man, because He put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man ever can be – absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Journeying

Gazing out from the train, I really enjoyed passing by the English countryside and seeing the herds of sheep, cows and horses. Edward Elgar's and Vaughan Williams' compositions from my mp3 player have never felt so fitting and compelling before. The Summer Sun lingers around and causes the land to bask in its golden light. Long train rides aren't that bad after-all. 

Reflection and Thanksgiving

A rather messy collection of thoughts and reflection of my journey during the final phase of my academic year - essentially an uninteresting mass of words but I just wanted to pen them down.

During a contact time with my personal tutor at the start of the year, he told me that I should feel very proud of myself with my mid-sessional grades. I told him I wasn't and explained; in the end, he told me I was just beating myself up. Or was I? Perhaps I was very influenced by the high expectations I have set for myself, in considering that doing well means getting a first class grade; short of that, it is just average or less. On hindsight, there were many factors that contributed to such a thinking: the amount of money my parents have put in for my education, the minimum of getting at least a second upper for grade for employability, the requirement of first class qualification for certain job qualifications, the expectations I have towards myself since I have already done a diploma in law etc. While not being stressed or worried about my future, I suppose these were major considerations that affected my actions. There was no chase for that first class grade (at least not expressed), neither did I consider myself being any better than my peers - they are all very brilliant indeed, much more than I, but there was that expectation I have towards myself to perform well. Admittedly, having been used to working towards perfect gpa scores previously played a part - but I was tired of it; and even that did not get me into law school in Singapore.


It is funny how I see grades as being somewhat artificial and non-representative but I still have that expectation of myself to do well. It wasn't a major issue but it somehow bugged me; although I wasn't setting goals for myself to work towards, I was still hoping for good results. Through this I was caught betwix and it was difficult balancing working hard without being sucked into the vicious cycle of paper chasing. But taking me by unaware, this expectation was lodged somewhere in the hidden stream of consciousness. The end result was probably a great deal of contradiction within me. Because I didnt set any goal for myself, I wasnt as motivated; but I didnt want to be unmotivated either because I still wanted to perform well. Unsurprisingly, it started taking a toll on me.


While revising one afternoon during my Easter break, there was this sense of 'annoyance' and frustration as the tension within me surfaced once more; it was something that I had to resolve and what is better than to commit and let go of the matter to the Lord once again? I was really thankful that there was a breakthrough this time round. It was impressed upon my heart not to strive for the grades but to enjoy the learning process. One factor that has spurred me to want to do well is to be better equipped such that I can avail myself wherever God wants me to go to in the future. I was thankful for the prompting from the Lord not to be concerned about it. The adaptation of 'Amazing Grace' by Chris Tomlin rang within my mind and the part of the song 'my chains are gone, I have been set free' really spoke to me - it was like the chains of having to score first class grade being gone. As though it wasn't enough, the same song was sung in Church on Sunday. 


However, having that realisation and translating it into reality was no easy feat. It was not easy to enjoy the learning process when I had so much stuff to remember that it was almost depressing thinking about it.  Furthermore, it was still very easy going through the motion of revision without setting the focus right. I thank God for people He has placed along my journey that encouraged and inspired me to keep that joy and be thankful for the process that I was going through. I remember one prayer meeting where someone prayed the words of Romans 12:2 'Be ye not conformed to the world' - it resonated in the depth of my heart - 'deep calleth unto deep'; those were powerful words that reminded me of my calling and the word that the Lord had spoken to me. Nonetheless, it was an ongoing daily struggle where I had to wrestle with myself even till the last paper - possibly even after that. It wasn't just about the studying, but about getting the focus right while doing so. 


My papers didn't go as I expected - I forgot stuff for questions that I spotted and came out; attempted harder questions when I knew the answer for easier ones - till date I have no idea why I did that; possibly I was just being stubborn and bent on attempting topics that I was interested in. Nonetheless, I am so grateful for the release wrought by the work of the Holy Spirit, that I didn't have to work towards getting high scores but to just enjoy the learning process, of which I am glad that I managed to, even if not all of it. 


I am still coming to terms with how my first academic year has ended. It felt as though so much/but not much has happened. Perhaps time has passed by too quickly; can't imagine how my 2nd and 3rd year will go... Looking back, I am thankful for the work and presence of the Lord for the past academic year . There were happenings that could have really thrown me off-course but He does not put us into something more than we can bear. I thought I should come up with a list (non-exhaustive) of things to be thankful for:

Thank you Lord for Your presence and sustenance; 

Thank you Lord for this new journey where You are leading me by each step;

Thank you Lord for the friends and people that I have met here;

Thank you Lord for the opportunity of education;

Thank you Lord for Your providence; 

Thank you Lord for family and friends back home who are walking this road of faith together 

Thank you Lord, because You are faithful and are worthy of all our praises

Thank you Lord, because You make all things new and beautiful. 

Pause

Tonight I can sleep without any thoughts of the essay due, the legal journal articles I have not read and the multitude of cases to remember the following day. It has been more than 2 months of work, revision and examinations. I never thought of these as a burden but now that they are gone, it really is a relief, at least for now. Barring the possibility of failing any modules, it is frightening how my first year of university life has already ended. But a very welcoming end to a chapter nonetheless. Now, I just hope that I won't dream of any of those stuff - I've had enough of construing exemption, frustration and third party clauses in my dreams. A good night's sleep - ah, a welcoming thought.